Happy Holidays to All from the Two Turtle DovesWednesday, December 28, 2005
Sunday, November 13, 2005
E.R.
I was watching a rerun of 'E.R.' today while I was feeding the boys. They were treating a woman who was 24 weeks pregnant whose labor they could not stop. The woman told them she didn't want to have a preemie because her sister had given birth to a premature baby who was in the hospital for months and didn't make it. Several of the doctors supported her view, saying that the baby had a 10% chance at a normal life, and that they shouldn't throw hundreds of thousands of dollars away to try to save one baby who would probably have a very poor quality of life when they could be using those resources to treat other children. It upset me so much to hear these opinions voiced as I sat there holding my two 24 weekers who are now very healthy and normal. I suppose there are many people out there who share the viewpoints that some of the characters on the show expressed. Perhaps they consider their philosophies pragmatic, however I would label them as pessimistic and negative. I believe in miracles, and I have two beautiful boys to prove that miracles really do happen!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
October 26, 2005
Last week Alex began waking up just once every night. It has made my life so much easier, only getting up once each night to nurse one baby. This morning I woke up and greeted the boys in their crib. I was sleepily saying good morning when suddenly I realized "Alex, you slept through the night!"
Friday, October 14, 2005
Growing Boys
Alex was finally discharged, after two weeks in the hospital, on Monday afternoon. The last four days since we came home have been very trying. Alex is very fussy and needy, rightfully so. He has an incision across his abdomen and a deep wound from the ostomy site. The wound is closing up nicely; I've been surprised by how quickly it has become more shallow. My poor baby is also suffering from painful, raw skin on his buttocks. His tiny hiney isn't used to having stool on it, especially several times a day. Every day he gets a little better, though. This morning we took a bath together. He was the most relaxed I've seen him since his surgery. He was giving me lots of smiles and could have fallen asleep in the warm water.
I've barely slept a wink all week. I've been up with Alex at all hours of the night. Spencer, however, started sleeping through the night while we were staying at the Ronald McDonald house, and has continued to do so. What a wonderful break it was to sleep through the night for two weeks straight, and it is definitely an advantage to have to care for just one baby at night.
The boys had their appointment with the pediatrician today. Spencer is now 9 lbs. 4 oz. and Alex is 10 lbs. 14 oz. They both gained 25 ounces this month. Spencer is no longer anemic and does not need to take iron supplements anymore. Alex got permission to start on a little rice cereal once a day. He hasn't hit the four month mark in corrected age yet, but the doctor agreed that he is catching up well and would probably be okay starting the cereal. Here he is below trying it out. It was also his first time in his feeding seat. He did a lot better with the cereal when I was holding him, as you can see from the pictures.
Spencer saw the eye doctor again for his ROP two weeks ago. It has resolved and he does not need his eyes checked for another 6 months. He is "talking" a lot now, and squeals with delight at times. He's so excited and full of smiles during our little "conversations"; I really enjoy them.
I've barely slept a wink all week. I've been up with Alex at all hours of the night. Spencer, however, started sleeping through the night while we were staying at the Ronald McDonald house, and has continued to do so. What a wonderful break it was to sleep through the night for two weeks straight, and it is definitely an advantage to have to care for just one baby at night.
The boys had their appointment with the pediatrician today. Spencer is now 9 lbs. 4 oz. and Alex is 10 lbs. 14 oz. They both gained 25 ounces this month. Spencer is no longer anemic and does not need to take iron supplements anymore. Alex got permission to start on a little rice cereal once a day. He hasn't hit the four month mark in corrected age yet, but the doctor agreed that he is catching up well and would probably be okay starting the cereal. Here he is below trying it out. It was also his first time in his feeding seat. He did a lot better with the cereal when I was holding him, as you can see from the pictures.
Spencer saw the eye doctor again for his ROP two weeks ago. It has resolved and he does not need his eyes checked for another 6 months. He is "talking" a lot now, and squeals with delight at times. He's so excited and full of smiles during our little "conversations"; I really enjoy them.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Humpty Dumpty...
...has been put back together again. During an approximately three hour surgery this morning, Alexander's ostomy was removed and his intestines were reconnected. The surgeon was able to go in through the original incision, which means no new scars. He had to remove Alexander's appendix and the valve between the small and large intestines. Alex will stool more frequently for awhile, but eventually his bowels will adjust. He may have B12 absorption problems, but this will be watched and he can receive shots if needed. And we'll never have to worry about appendicitis! Alex will recover for five days before he is allowed to eat. After that it will take a couple of days to make sure his digestive system is in working order, so he should be out of the hospital in about a week.
Spencer's hernia repair went well. He was in and out of the hospital in about 24 hours, as expected. He has not been his usual easy-going, happy self this week. It's obvious that he's a little uncomfortable. I think he misses his brother and home, as well.
Elmo has been a big help with the boys while we've been at the hospital. Alex was introduced to and fell in love with an Elmo doll a few weeks ago, and I've discovered that Spencer loves him as well. The boys actually smile at Elmo and try to talk to him! It must be those big black and white eyes, that wide mouth, and the cute round orange nose. I've always been anti-Elmo, because I'm a big Grover fan and I feel like Elmo's replaced him, but if Elmo makes my boys happy, I guess he must be alright.
The boys are six months old today. It's really hard to believe that six months have passed since they entered the world. Half of their lives so far were spent in the NICU, but that seems like so long ago to me. I am in awe of the incredible miracles that they are, my beautiful boys. I am so blessed and so full of love for them.
Spencer's hernia repair went well. He was in and out of the hospital in about 24 hours, as expected. He has not been his usual easy-going, happy self this week. It's obvious that he's a little uncomfortable. I think he misses his brother and home, as well.
Elmo has been a big help with the boys while we've been at the hospital. Alex was introduced to and fell in love with an Elmo doll a few weeks ago, and I've discovered that Spencer loves him as well. The boys actually smile at Elmo and try to talk to him! It must be those big black and white eyes, that wide mouth, and the cute round orange nose. I've always been anti-Elmo, because I'm a big Grover fan and I feel like Elmo's replaced him, but if Elmo makes my boys happy, I guess he must be alright.
The boys are six months old today. It's really hard to believe that six months have passed since they entered the world. Half of their lives so far were spent in the NICU, but that seems like so long ago to me. I am in awe of the incredible miracles that they are, my beautiful boys. I am so blessed and so full of love for them.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Back to the Hospital
Spencer and Alex check into the hospital tomorrow for their surgeries. Spencer is having his hernia repair done tomorrow at 9:30 am. He will be there overnight. Alex's surgery is on Friday. He'll be in the hospital for 10 days. I'm really glad to finally be getting these last things done. I know they'll both come through with flying colors, but it is still causing emotional stress. That's just the nature of the beast, I suppose. It feels eerily strange to be back at the Ronald McDonald House, where Spencer and I will stay until Alex is released, and going back to visiting the hospital every day to see my son. I hope and pray that this is the last time either of them ever have to be admitted to the hospital.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
September 13, 2005
Spencer gained 8 ounces this week! I'm so proud of him. He is now 7 lbs. 12 oz. Alex gained another 11 ounces, to reach 9 lbs. 11 oz. I've got to get some regular formula for him. The doctor said he doesn't need the extra 
calories from the 22 calorie formula anymore. That's obvious...just look at the porker! She said again how impressed she is by how incredibly well they're doing, and believes it has a lot to do with the breast milk. I agree...that and all the love, prayers, and positive energy from the wonderful people in their lives.
Both boys are doing well with their OT and PT. The therapists are pleased and so am I. Everyone who takes care of them
is aware of the things they need to work on. It helps that their therapy is incorporated into everyday activities by their caregivers.
School is a challenge. I love going to classes, but forcing myself to study when I could be playing with the boys or catching up on housework and paperwork is difficult. It also doesn't leave any "down time" for me to unwind. I'm still adjusting, but I believe I'll get into a routine. It's worth the short-term sacrifice for the long-term gain. With my master's I'll be able to find a job I love and make a better living to provide for my boys.
calories from the 22 calorie formula anymore. That's obvious...just look at the porker! She said again how impressed she is by how incredibly well they're doing, and believes it has a lot to do with the breast milk. I agree...that and all the love, prayers, and positive energy from the wonderful people in their lives.Both boys are doing well with their OT and PT. The therapists are pleased and so am I. Everyone who takes care of them
is aware of the things they need to work on. It helps that their therapy is incorporated into everyday activities by their caregivers.School is a challenge. I love going to classes, but forcing myself to study when I could be playing with the boys or catching up on housework and paperwork is difficult. It also doesn't leave any "down time" for me to unwind. I'm still adjusting, but I believe I'll get into a routine. It's worth the short-term sacrifice for the long-term gain. With my master's I'll be able to find a job I love and make a better living to provide for my boys.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
September 7, 2005
Spencer was on his back on the floor hanging out while I was doing some chores. I came back to find him laying on his right side. He turned all on his own. Happy birthday to me....I have the best two gifts ever!
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Made Me Laugh
Last night I was patting Alex's back as he drifted to sleep on my chest. Suddenly he burped so loud he made himself jump!
Alex is now 8 lbs. 8 oz. and Spencer is 7 lb. 1 oz. Alex loves brightly colored toys, rattles, and bells. Spencer enjoys staring at the faces of those who hold him, and smiles in response when spoken to. Both are lifting their heads and turning them from side to side when on their tummies, especially when tempted by the sound of a musical toy or rattle. Their therapists are impressed by their development.
I embarked on a new path in life this week: graduate school. My first class was last night. Leaving the boys for the first time was a little sad, but they were safe in Grandma's and Bhapu's care. It felt both strange and wonderful to be doing something other than being a mommy. I'm really excited about this new endeavor, and I know it will enrich the lives of my little family.
Alex is now 8 lbs. 8 oz. and Spencer is 7 lb. 1 oz. Alex loves brightly colored toys, rattles, and bells. Spencer enjoys staring at the faces of those who hold him, and smiles in response when spoken to. Both are lifting their heads and turning them from side to side when on their tummies, especially when tempted by the sound of a musical toy or rattle. Their therapists are impressed by their development.
I embarked on a new path in life this week: graduate school. My first class was last night. Leaving the boys for the first time was a little sad, but they were safe in Grandma's and Bhapu's care. It felt both strange and wonderful to be doing something other than being a mommy. I'm really excited about this new endeavor, and I know it will enrich the lives of my little family.
Friday, August 12, 2005
19 Weeks Old
Spencer and Alexander visited the pediatrician again this week. Spencer now weighs 6 lbs. 3.5 oz. He's finally gained a little weight, but he needs to keep at it. He's eating better than before, and really enjoys breastfeeding now. The title of "Booby Monster" has been passed from his brother to him. Alexander seems to prefer the bottle over the breast now, probably because of the added calories in the bottle. He's a little piggie. Alexander is now a whopping 7 lbs. 1 oz.! I know he's still a small baby, but he seems so big to me.
Both boys are off their monitors. I'm so glad that we don't have to deal with wires anymore. The only big hurdle left is their surgeries. Alexander's surgery has been postponed once again. It is now scheduled for September 30. I'm so frustrated. It should have been done back in June, and now it's another eight weeks away. Spencer's hernia surgery is on September 26. I will take both boys to the hospital that day. Alexander has to be there for a few days prior to his surgery, to prepare his intestines. He will be there for a total of eight days. Spencer will be there overnight.
We're working on getting a bedtime routine down. I start grad school on August 29. Mom will be watching the boys in the evening while I'm at classes. A bedtime routine will make things easier for everyone. Alexander and Spencer really are good babies. After their morning bottle they'll usually hang out in their crib together, and I can get breakfast, a shower, and a few things done. They have their fussy period in the late afternoon/early evening, when they require a lot more holding and nursing. Alexander really loves being held by his Bhapu; he relaxes and snoozes on my dad's chest. I'm so grateful for my parents' help. The boys are so blessed to have so much love.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
A Very Good Day
Alex went to see the eye surgeon for another follow-up appointment today. There is no further growth and the Plus disease is resolved. He doesn't need to see the surgeon again and will not need to have his eyes examined again until October. I told the surgeon I could just hug him for saving Alexander's sight. I am so thankful. We also visited the pulmonologist today. Alex is doing well and no longer needs to take the diuretics (two less yucky medicines to force into him every day!). They'll do an overnight home study to make sure everything is okay and then they'll take him off the monitor. Oh...they weighed Alex: six pounds nine and a half ounces! Even with his ostomy he is gaining weight steadily. I'm so pleased with his progress.
Both boys behaved so well for me today during all our running around. They both ate well and did not fuss a lot. It did wonders for my spirits to have a "good" day with them.
Both boys behaved so well for me today during all our running around. They both ate well and did not fuss a lot. It did wonders for my spirits to have a "good" day with them.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
What A Mother Really Needs
It's almost 4 am. I just finished nursing Alex and I should be sleeping, but I have some thoughts I really felt the need to record. Yesterday and the preceding night were probably the hardest since the boys came home. I was exhausted, frustrated, and emotionally and physically drained. My sister and I took a break this evening and went out while Grandma watched the boys (the fact that a simple trip to Target and Walmart has become a major treat for me is a sign of how much my life has changed). The break was good for me. As I was holding Alex after his feeding just now I realized how tense I have been. I began to breath deeply, inhaling and exhaling slowly....inhaling peace and tranquility, exhaling tension and anxiety. As I relaxed, so did Alex. I thought to myself, "The Creator has given me everything I need to be a good mother. I just have to reach deep inside of me and draw from the source." I have been so caught up in doing everything the "right" way that I've forgotten about trusting my intuition. All of the many books I'm reading, all of the sage advice from doctors, nurses, and other parents, are invaluable. But the answers don't lie with them; they lie within me. I need to breath deeply and trust my mother's intuition. Only when I do that will I find the peace that it takes to be the wonderful mother I want to be to my beautiful boys.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Four Months Old
Wow! I can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged! I think about it almost every day, but finding the time is so hard with both babies home now. Things are finally starting to calm down and life is beginning to have a steady rhythm to it. I'm actually finding the time to get some things done.
Alexander
We've had a flurry of doctors appointments. Both boys are doing well. Alexander weighs 6 lbs. 3 oz. and grew 1/2 inch in 2 weeks! Spencer didn't gain any weight in 2 weeks, but we started him on Zantac this week and he is eating much better. He seems a lot happier and more interested in feeding. I'm sure he's going to have a good weight gain the next time we see the pediatrician.
Alex had a second round of laser eye surgery on July 18th and was in the hospital overnight. I was disappointed that the first surgery didn't help his ROP and that we needed to return to the hospital so soon, but guess what? After his surgery he came right off the ventilator and the next day he came home without oxygen! Just another reminder that everything happens for a reason. At Alexander's follow-up appointment this week the surgeon said that the ROP is regressing. He is not as concerned about Alex now that he has reached full gestation and he doesn't need to see Alex for another two weeks. Spencer has ROP, too, but it is not as advanced as Alexander's was and it is already improving.
The hot weather finally broke and Thursday evening after supper I took the boys for their first walk. Alex was crying before we left the house but calmed down and went to sleep while we were strolling. Alex is the big crier; I think he just wants to be held a lot to make up for all the time he couldn't be held when he was so sick. I've been wearing him in a ring sling and it really calms him down. I noticed this morning that when the boys are crying and I walk into the room and say something, they stop. They know me! I still can't believe I'm the mother to these two beautiful baby boys. 
Alexander
We've had a flurry of doctors appointments. Both boys are doing well. Alexander weighs 6 lbs. 3 oz. and grew 1/2 inch in 2 weeks! Spencer didn't gain any weight in 2 weeks, but we started him on Zantac this week and he is eating much better. He seems a lot happier and more interested in feeding. I'm sure he's going to have a good weight gain the next time we see the pediatrician.
Alex had a second round of laser eye surgery on July 18th and was in the hospital overnight. I was disappointed that the first surgery didn't help his ROP and that we needed to return to the hospital so soon, but guess what? After his surgery he came right off the ventilator and the next day he came home without oxygen! Just another reminder that everything happens for a reason. At Alexander's follow-up appointment this week the surgeon said that the ROP is regressing. He is not as concerned about Alex now that he has reached full gestation and he doesn't need to see Alex for another two weeks. Spencer has ROP, too, but it is not as advanced as Alexander's was and it is already improving.
Spencer
The hot weather finally broke and Thursday evening after supper I took the boys for their first walk. Alex was crying before we left the house but calmed down and went to sleep while we were strolling. Alex is the big crier; I think he just wants to be held a lot to make up for all the time he couldn't be held when he was so sick. I've been wearing him in a ring sling and it really calms him down. I noticed this morning that when the boys are crying and I walk into the room and say something, they stop. They know me! I still can't believe I'm the mother to these two beautiful baby boys.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Two Turtle Doves Together At Last
Well, I figured out how to get Alex to sleep. Leave the lights on! I guess he prefers that since he's so used to having them on from being in the NICU. Last night Mom and I went and got a portable crib for my room. I laid Alex in it after his midnight feeding. He was totally content to lay there and look around for about an hour/hour-and-a-half before drifting off to sleep, while I was piddling around the room. We both slept so much better last night.
I woke up this morning to a hungry, crying baby whose ostomy bag had come off. I felt totally zonked, but somehow I managed to get him undressed, bath him, apply a new bag, and feed him. This is another reminder that I'm going to be able to get through anything as a mom. Strength that I didn't know I have rises up from somewhere inside of me, and again and again I successfully negotiate the challenges of being a single mother of twin preemies.
Spencer is coming home again today! I'm so excited. The good news is that both boys are on the same feeding schedule now. Maybe I'll actually be able to get some decent sleep. I can't wait to see them laying next to each other in their crib. I can't wait to see how they react to each other. I am so blessed. Things could have been so much worse for my boys. They are very healthy for 24 weekers, they are beautiful, they are good babies. Thank God for them, for my family, and for my friends. I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
I woke up this morning to a hungry, crying baby whose ostomy bag had come off. I felt totally zonked, but somehow I managed to get him undressed, bath him, apply a new bag, and feed him. This is another reminder that I'm going to be able to get through anything as a mom. Strength that I didn't know I have rises up from somewhere inside of me, and again and again I successfully negotiate the challenges of being a single mother of twin preemies.
Spencer is coming home again today! I'm so excited. The good news is that both boys are on the same feeding schedule now. Maybe I'll actually be able to get some decent sleep. I can't wait to see them laying next to each other in their crib. I can't wait to see how they react to each other. I am so blessed. Things could have been so much worse for my boys. They are very healthy for 24 weekers, they are beautiful, they are good babies. Thank God for them, for my family, and for my friends. I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Alexander's Homecoming
On Saturday, July 9th, after 100 days in the NICU, Alexander Christian came home. He is such a good baby, a great eater with a steady schedule. Grandma is spoiling him with lots of cuddling (she says she's making up for all the time he couldn't be held, and who can blame her?). He's on oxygen and a monitor but is doing great. I am exhausted. We roomed in Friday night at the hospital and I didn't sleep much on the uncomfortable "bed" there. It's taken me some time to discover that I can't just feed Alex and put him back in bed at night. He wants to be held until he falls asleep or swaddled very tightly so that his paci won't fall out of his mouth. Hopefully tonight we'll both sleep a little more soundly. Last night he slept laying on my chest for a couple hours. We both slept great that way, but I can't get into that habit. I have another baby who'll be home soon!
Speaking of that other baby, Spencer is doing really well. He is waking up before his feedings now and taking more than his minimum of 45 ml. His nurses are saying that he is much more interactive and alert this weekend than he was last weekend after being readmitted. Hopefully he'll be coming home soon, too. Then I can really kiss sleep goodbye for awhile!
Speaking of that other baby, Spencer is doing really well. He is waking up before his feedings now and taking more than his minimum of 45 ml. His nurses are saying that he is much more interactive and alert this weekend than he was last weekend after being readmitted. Hopefully he'll be coming home soon, too. Then I can really kiss sleep goodbye for awhile!
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Miniature Milk-Eating Monsters
Well, Spencer's hernia surgery was cancelled. The surgeon had two emergencies this morning so he didn't have time for Spence. I have no idea when it will get done, nor do I know when Spencer will be coming home again. We're just hanging out waiting for the results of the apnea study, I guess.
Alex is coming home Saturday. The equipment supply company rep came to the hospital today to show me how to use the oxygen and monitor. I changed his ostomy bag once last night and hope to get a chance to do it again before we go home. We're rooming in at the hospital tomorrow night so that I have a chance to deal with everything with nurses close at hand. My sister is rooming in with us, thank God. I want someone else in the family to know how everything works, and I trust my sister implicitly. I just have to say how thankful I am that she is here for us, and how much I appreciate her husband loaning her to me for the night (they have all six of their kids at home right now!).
I forgot to mention yesterday that a couple of the nurses who were watching Alex breastfeed yesterday said "I've never seen a preemie breastfeed like that!". I'm proud of him, and I've given him a new nickname (one I'm sure he won't appreciate when he gets older): the Booby-Monster....LOL....as in: "The Booby-Monster awaketh." He wakes up half an hour before his feeds and screams until he's fed. The boy has a bottomless stomach. He would sacrifice sleep to eat, whereas his brother would sacrifice eating to sleep. The minimum Spencer needs to take at each feeding is 45 ml and he takes just that....not a drop more! It's as if he knows and says "Okay, I've satisfied the requirement. Now let me get back to my sleeping."
Alex is coming home Saturday. The equipment supply company rep came to the hospital today to show me how to use the oxygen and monitor. I changed his ostomy bag once last night and hope to get a chance to do it again before we go home. We're rooming in at the hospital tomorrow night so that I have a chance to deal with everything with nurses close at hand. My sister is rooming in with us, thank God. I want someone else in the family to know how everything works, and I trust my sister implicitly. I just have to say how thankful I am that she is here for us, and how much I appreciate her husband loaning her to me for the night (they have all six of their kids at home right now!).
I forgot to mention yesterday that a couple of the nurses who were watching Alex breastfeed yesterday said "I've never seen a preemie breastfeed like that!". I'm proud of him, and I've given him a new nickname (one I'm sure he won't appreciate when he gets older): the Booby-Monster....LOL....as in: "The Booby-Monster awaketh." He wakes up half an hour before his feeds and screams until he's fed. The boy has a bottomless stomach. He would sacrifice sleep to eat, whereas his brother would sacrifice eating to sleep. The minimum Spencer needs to take at each feeding is 45 ml and he takes just that....not a drop more! It's as if he knows and says "Okay, I've satisfied the requirement. Now let me get back to my sleeping."
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Spencer has been undergoing a six channel reflux study since about 9:00 PM last night. He had two apneas during feeds in the wee hours of the morning. The study takes 24 hours, but I don't know how long it takes to get the results. I do know that I'll be insisting on an apnea monitor when is released again.
One of the blessings that has come from Spencer being readmitted to the hospital is that they are going to do his hernia surgery while he is there. He is scheduled for 9:40 tomorrow morning. I'm a little nervous because he's never been under anesthesia before. Hopefully he'll tolerate it okay.
Alex is exclusively breastfeeding when I can be there to feed him. He is a monster at the breast. I'm thrilled! The nurse practitioner in charge of the intermediate nurseries asked me today if I'd be willing to take him home before his intestines are reconnected, because he is pretty much ready to go and they're not sure how soon they'll be able to get the surgery done. I said "Sure." I've been emptying out his ostomy bag lately and I'm sure I can learn how to change it. We'll know tomorrow morning if they can do the surgery Friday. If not, he'll be coming home this weekend. They'll send him home on oxygen and a pulse oximeter and heart rate monitor. It will be cumbersome, but I'll deal with it. He's such an awake, interactive baby. He'll be so much fun to have at home. After he ate today he was still awake and fussing, so I hung this musical, light-up mirror on his crib. He just stared at himself in the mirror. I was amazed by how intent he was.
One of the blessings that has come from Spencer being readmitted to the hospital is that they are going to do his hernia surgery while he is there. He is scheduled for 9:40 tomorrow morning. I'm a little nervous because he's never been under anesthesia before. Hopefully he'll tolerate it okay.
Alex is exclusively breastfeeding when I can be there to feed him. He is a monster at the breast. I'm thrilled! The nurse practitioner in charge of the intermediate nurseries asked me today if I'd be willing to take him home before his intestines are reconnected, because he is pretty much ready to go and they're not sure how soon they'll be able to get the surgery done. I said "Sure." I've been emptying out his ostomy bag lately and I'm sure I can learn how to change it. We'll know tomorrow morning if they can do the surgery Friday. If not, he'll be coming home this weekend. They'll send him home on oxygen and a pulse oximeter and heart rate monitor. It will be cumbersome, but I'll deal with it. He's such an awake, interactive baby. He'll be so much fun to have at home. After he ate today he was still awake and fussing, so I hung this musical, light-up mirror on his crib. He just stared at himself in the mirror. I was amazed by how intent he was.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Spencer is still in the hospital. He is doing a little better since he had a blood transfusion last night, but he is still de-satting and turning purple during feedings. The doctors want to order a study to check his reflux. It could take a couple of days. I miss him so much. It was such a cruel tease to have him home for two days and then have to bring him back to the hospital. It would have been easier if he had just stayed there. I just want to curl up and sleep until he can come home again. I'm so tired.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Spencer's Homecoming....And His Return to the NICU
Spencer came home on Thursday, June 30th, at exactly 13 weeks of age. All of his aunts, uncles, and cousins came to see him within 24 hours of his arriving at the home of his grandparents, where we'll be living for awhile. The first night was really tough; I barely slept a wink. The second night was a little better. 
On the way to the hospital yesterday (Saturday) to see Alex, Spencer had an apnea. We stopped at my sister's house to pick her up and when I got out of the car to check on Spencer in the back seat his whole face was purple. He was not breathing at all. I whipped him out of his car seat and gave him some rescue breaths like they taught us in infant CPR. It took some stimulation to get him breathing again, and then he was really raspy and gasping for air. It was the single most frightening moment of my life. I just want to put the image of his face at that moment out of my mind forever.
Spencer was fine after a little while. He was back to himself and even had a little bit to eat. We called the pediatrician's office and they told me to take him to the ER since we were on our way to the hospital. They readmitted him to the NICU, where he had another apnea shortly after admission. He has been fine ever since, but he will be there for up to another week even if he doesn't have any more episodes.
I am so upset with myself for letting this happen. He will be fine, and this gives me some more time to get organized and rested. He is in good hands at the hospital. I'm trying to focus on the positives.
Alex is recovering well from his surgery. He is taking every other feed by bottle and is out of heat. They are going to put him in a crib today, which I'm going to decorate for him. He has hit the five pound mark! It won't be long before they're both home and I'll be missing my "free babysitting".
On the way to the hospital yesterday (Saturday) to see Alex, Spencer had an apnea. We stopped at my sister's house to pick her up and when I got out of the car to check on Spencer in the back seat his whole face was purple. He was not breathing at all. I whipped him out of his car seat and gave him some rescue breaths like they taught us in infant CPR. It took some stimulation to get him breathing again, and then he was really raspy and gasping for air. It was the single most frightening moment of my life. I just want to put the image of his face at that moment out of my mind forever.
Spencer was fine after a little while. He was back to himself and even had a little bit to eat. We called the pediatrician's office and they told me to take him to the ER since we were on our way to the hospital. They readmitted him to the NICU, where he had another apnea shortly after admission. He has been fine ever since, but he will be there for up to another week even if he doesn't have any more episodes.
I am so upset with myself for letting this happen. He will be fine, and this gives me some more time to get organized and rested. He is in good hands at the hospital. I'm trying to focus on the positives.
Alex is recovering well from his surgery. He is taking every other feed by bottle and is out of heat. They are going to put him in a crib today, which I'm going to decorate for him. He has hit the five pound mark! It won't be long before they're both home and I'll be missing my "free babysitting".
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
June 30, 2005
Thank you everyone for your positive thoughts, prayers, and notes of encouragement. Alex's surgery went well this morning. The surgeon says his prognosis is very good. He is recovering now, and his bed is in Spencer's old spot in nursery three (good karma in that spot!).
Spencer has taken all of his feeds by bottle for over 24 hours now, and he is out of heat. He is at the moment undergoing his hearing test and car seat test. He may be coming home tomorrow! We're all shocked, including the nurses, and excited. I have so much to do!!!
Life is so good!
Spencer has taken all of his feeds by bottle for over 24 hours now, and he is out of heat. He is at the moment undergoing his hearing test and car seat test. He may be coming home tomorrow! We're all shocked, including the nurses, and excited. I have so much to do!!!
Life is so good!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Alex Has ROP
I just got back from the hospital. Alex has Retinopathy of Prematurity, abnormal growth of the blood vessels that bring blood to the retina. If this abnormal growth continues the retinas could detach, which means he would go blind. Bleeds and the formation of scar tissue are also concerns. He will have laser surgery tomorrow morning to try to stop the growth. The doctors will know in a few weeks if it was successful. His eyes will be watched very closely over the years. There is always a chance of retinal detachment later in life. His vision could be affected even if the laser surgery successfully stops the growth.
Alex has been through so much, and overcome so much. I'm just trying to believe that he is going to be fine. His reinastimosis surgery is on hold at the moment. We need a lot of prayer, positive energy, and good thoughts.
Alex has been through so much, and overcome so much. I'm just trying to believe that he is going to be fine. His reinastimosis surgery is on hold at the moment. We need a lot of prayer, positive energy, and good thoughts.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Another Milestone
Today, for the first time in my life, I had spit-up in my shoes. Thank you, Spencer!
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Time Together
Last Friday, June 17th, Alex was moved to the intermediate nursery where Spencer is. By Sunday they were close enough together for me to get them both in my arms at once. After over 11 weeks of being separated the boys finally got to see each other. I sobbed when the nurse placed both my babies in my embrace. What a beautiful moment it was for me. Being together is the best thing for the babies.
Spencer was his usual sleepy self, but Alex was wide awake. The next day I held them both again and it was the reverse. Spencer just stared, so wide-eyed and focused, at his brother. I love watching them together.
Yesterday Spencer became my Sack O' Sugah. Yes, that's right: he now weighs five pounds! When I look at him it's hard to believe he was ever a 1 1/2 pound baby. Alex is now 4 pounds 10 ounces. They are both taking bottles for every other feeding, so that's four times in 24 hours. Spencer is back off oxygen and Alex is on the lowest setting possible. We're really in the home stretch here. Pretty soon I'll be able to cuddle them both any time I want to.
Spencer was his usual sleepy self, but Alex was wide awake. The next day I held them both again and it was the reverse. Spencer just stared, so wide-eyed and focused, at his brother. I love watching them together.
Yesterday Spencer became my Sack O' Sugah. Yes, that's right: he now weighs five pounds! When I look at him it's hard to believe he was ever a 1 1/2 pound baby. Alex is now 4 pounds 10 ounces. They are both taking bottles for every other feeding, so that's four times in 24 hours. Spencer is back off oxygen and Alex is on the lowest setting possible. We're really in the home stretch here. Pretty soon I'll be able to cuddle them both any time I want to.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Alex's Surgery
I just got off the phone with Alex's nurse. They're not going to be able to do his surgery until June 29th. The surgeon just doesn't have the time. I'm so disappointed. He's practically ready to come home; now we're just going to be hanging out and waiting for this. I was hoping that since it's going to be awhile they would move him down to intermediate to be with his brother. He's on oxygen on the lowest setting, is bottle feeding, and is almost out of heat; he doesn't require any special support. His nurse said that they probably won't want to move Alex and then have to move him back after his surgery. I'm in tears about all this, but there's nothing I can do, so I just have to accept it and try to let go.
Muscle Mouth
I put Alex to breast for the first time this morning and he took to it like a bee to honey. When I held him to my breast he opened his mouth and latched right on - oh yes, I felt it! I just knew he would be a natural at breast feeding. He's always opening his mouth really wide and sticking his tongue out. When I took him off and held him up to look at him a couple of times this morning he just started wailing: "Give it back!" I'm very thankful he's doing so well.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
More Good News for Alex
Alex was taken off Vapo-Therm this morning. He is now on oxygen only, on the lowest setting. He also took another whole feeding by bottle this morning. This boy is flying! The only thing holding him back now is that he's waiting for his reinastomosis (the surgery to reconnect his intestines). They have been talking about scheduling it for the last two weeks. Last week it was supposed to be last week or this; this week it's supposed to be next week. I have a call in to the surgeon. Maybe a little extra prodding from me will help get a date pinned down so we can get this done and Alex can be on the road to coming home.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Alex is now on a Vapo-Therm of 3 liters and took a whole bottle for his 8:00 AM feed this morning! He weighs 4 lbs. 2.8 oz. I was talking to him this morning while I was holding him and he was smiling so big.
Spencer also took his full feed by bottle again this morning. He is up to 4 lbs. 5 oz. He's going to be home in no time! I love my chubby cherub.
Spencer also took his full feed by bottle again this morning. He is up to 4 lbs. 5 oz. He's going to be home in no time! I love my chubby cherub.
Monday, June 13, 2005
The Latest News
Alexander's Vapo-Therm has been reduced to four liters. He is still on 25% oxygen and doing really well. Normally when the liters are lowered on Vapo-Therm the oxygen needs to be increased while the baby adjusts, but Alex is holding his own. Because his respiratory status is stable I am going to be able to give him his first bottle at 5:00 today. I'm so excited! Alexander's weight is now 4 lbs. 1 oz.
Spencer has being doing well with his bottle feedings. He is now up to once per shift, which is three bottle feedings each day (he started with two per day last week). His weight is now 4 lbs. 2 oz. He will be coming home as soon as he can take all of his feedings by mouth. It could be any day now!
I had my baby shower on Saturday. It was a beautiful shower...really perfect. I was impressed by the creative ideas my friends and family came up with. We had a lot of fun, the food was delicious, I was surrounded by people I love....and I got just about everything the boys and I need, plus some! Yesterday Mom and I took the Target and Babies R Us gift cards and got a few more things. We worked on getting the nursery organized and I washed all the new clothes and blankets. I feel ready for the boys to come home, so now I'm getting anxious. I can't wait to bring them home so I can shower them with love 24/7.
Spencer has being doing well with his bottle feedings. He is now up to once per shift, which is three bottle feedings each day (he started with two per day last week). His weight is now 4 lbs. 2 oz. He will be coming home as soon as he can take all of his feedings by mouth. It could be any day now!
I had my baby shower on Saturday. It was a beautiful shower...really perfect. I was impressed by the creative ideas my friends and family came up with. We had a lot of fun, the food was delicious, I was surrounded by people I love....and I got just about everything the boys and I need, plus some! Yesterday Mom and I took the Target and Babies R Us gift cards and got a few more things. We worked on getting the nursery organized and I washed all the new clothes and blankets. I feel ready for the boys to come home, so now I'm getting anxious. I can't wait to bring them home so I can shower them with love 24/7.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Spencer's Big News
Today, at 71 days of age (34 4/7 weeks gestationally), Spencer took his entire 6:00 AM feeding by bottle!!!
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Alex's Respiratory Progress
When I called the hospital shortly after 4:00 this morning Alex was being switched to Vapo-Therm. I visited at 5:00 and he was on 6 liters and 25% oxygen (21% is room air), and he was satting in the 90's (the oxygen saturation level in his blood was between 90 & 100%). He was wide awake for me as I sang and talked to him. I am thrilled with the progress he's making. His nurse mentioned that if he continues to do well he can start bottle feeding. I'm hoping to do kangaroo care with him tonight, at last.
I thank God for the miracles that have been given to me.
I thank God for the miracles that have been given to me.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
An Early Morning
I went to bed just after 9:00 last night. I had planned on getting up at 5:00 AM so I could be at the hospital for Spencer's 6:00 feed. I woke up at 3:45 and was totally engorged. By the time I finished pumping and all it was 4:15. There was no point in going back to bed, so I got ready and went to the hospital to spend some time with Alex before Spencer's feeding. Alicia, Alex's nurse last night, was pushing for Vapo-Therm, and she said the doctors are right on the edge of switching him over. Spencer was a little more alert this morning when I put him to breast. After awhile he actually sucked and swallowed a few times. Then he pulled away, looked up at me, and gave me the biggest smile: "Ohhhhh, I see how this works now!" He didn't last much longer, but each time we do this he gets a little better at it.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Sunday, June 5th
Time is dragging on. I don't think I'm getting enough sleep. I'm usually able to keep my chin up, but boy am I feeling grouchy and sad. I didn't even get to hold Spencer today. He's having a lot of A's & B's*. The nurses think they're being caused by his reflux (they appear to be occurring during and immediately after feedings), but they want him to rest today so they can observe him and make sure. I had him out yesterday for an hour and afterward his temperature was low. It's possible that his temperature may also be playing a role in the A's & B's. Spencer's nurse was upset with me yesterday for keeping him out of his isolette for an hour. Apparently, he burns a lot more calories when he's out of his isolette; it's a lot more work for his little body. This makes sense, but why hasn't anyone told me this before? I've been holding Spencer for an hour every day for the last three weeks. If I had known it wasn't good for him I wouldn't have done it. I was in tears because of this yesterday and again today. I felt like Spencer's nurse yesterday thought I was being a bad mother, but I'm trying to keep in mind that I'm hyper-sensitive right now and probably reading more into it than there is.
On to more positive news: Alex was extubated again at 1:00 AM Friday, June 3rd. He was on a C-PAP of 8 (the highest setting) and oxygen of about 35%. He has been doing well and was lowered to 7 last night. Five minutes after I walked into Alex's nursery yesterday his weekend nurse, Debbie (who I adore, by the way) asked me if I wanted to hold him. He did GREAT and I got to hold him again today. I am so incredibly thankful that he is tolerating my holding him again. He makes me so proud and happy. Alex dipped back below the 4 pound mark, but this is because he was retaining a lot of fluids while he was sick. He is no longer puffy looking and is doing great with his feeds of 38 ml (about 1.3 oz.) every three hours. He should be having the surgery to reconnect his intestines this week. He will need to be reintubated for that, but after he recovers he'll be taken off the ventilator again. I just know my blondie bear is going to fly once he's past this surgery.
Spencer was taken off of Vapo-Therm on Thursday, June 2nd. He is now on room air, and not receiving any respiratory support. Aside from his episodes of A's & B's* he is doing really well. He now weighs about 3 lbs. 7.5 oz. He was given his two month immunizations on May 31st. Thankfully I was able to be there to comfort him. He has been exploring my breasts (something we're putting on hold awhile until he gets a little bigger) and he actually latched on and fed a little on Thursday. I cried. My mom was there with me. It was a beautiful moment. I think breastfeeding is the most maternal thing I can possibly do, aside from actually carrying the babies in my womb.
*A's & B's - apneas: cessation of breathing; and bradycardias: abnormally slow heartbeat
On to more positive news: Alex was extubated again at 1:00 AM Friday, June 3rd. He was on a C-PAP of 8 (the highest setting) and oxygen of about 35%. He has been doing well and was lowered to 7 last night. Five minutes after I walked into Alex's nursery yesterday his weekend nurse, Debbie (who I adore, by the way) asked me if I wanted to hold him. He did GREAT and I got to hold him again today. I am so incredibly thankful that he is tolerating my holding him again. He makes me so proud and happy. Alex dipped back below the 4 pound mark, but this is because he was retaining a lot of fluids while he was sick. He is no longer puffy looking and is doing great with his feeds of 38 ml (about 1.3 oz.) every three hours. He should be having the surgery to reconnect his intestines this week. He will need to be reintubated for that, but after he recovers he'll be taken off the ventilator again. I just know my blondie bear is going to fly once he's past this surgery.
Spencer was taken off of Vapo-Therm on Thursday, June 2nd. He is now on room air, and not receiving any respiratory support. Aside from his episodes of A's & B's* he is doing really well. He now weighs about 3 lbs. 7.5 oz. He was given his two month immunizations on May 31st. Thankfully I was able to be there to comfort him. He has been exploring my breasts (something we're putting on hold awhile until he gets a little bigger) and he actually latched on and fed a little on Thursday. I cried. My mom was there with me. It was a beautiful moment. I think breastfeeding is the most maternal thing I can possibly do, aside from actually carrying the babies in my womb.
*A's & B's - apneas: cessation of breathing; and bradycardias: abnormally slow heartbeat
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Lots of News
So many things have happened since my last update. I'm not even sure where to begin. Spencer finally hit the three pound mark on Friday and, as of this morning, is 1400 grams (3 lbs. 1.2 oz.). Aunt Gali held him for the first time this week. It's very meaningful that my sister is so involved in my babies' lives; I have always admired her as a mother. But my brother-in-law was the one to coax smiles out of Spencer; I just know my boys are going to adore their Uncle Steve, the "gentle giant."
Alex finally got a "house" (that's what I like to call their isolettes) this week. I've been pushing for this for awhile, because he's so sensitive to light and sound. The isolette really helps. His primary nurse, Ruby, is back after a long vacation. We really missed her. She surprised me tonight by putting clothes on him for the very first time. Alex looked so cute and the outfit fit him just right. He's my chunky monkey now.
The surgeon is going to look at Alex on Tuesday to evaluate him for the surgery to remove his ostomy and reconnect his bowels. Unfortunately, Alex has developed an infection in his lungs, and they won't do surgery while he is sick. He is being given antibiotics and seems to be feeling a little better today than he was yesterday. He is on full feeds and off IV support, finally, but they will wait to remove his IV until after the surgery. He will also stay on the ventilator until after his surgery. Hopefully I'll know more this week about when that will be. I know he's going to get better quickly; because he's a little fighter who consistently surprises everyone with his speedy progress.
Spencer will be 33 weeks tomorrow. Tonight the nurse allowed me to let him explore my breast. I expressed a few drops of milk for him. He licked and sucked a little, not enough to actually nurse, of course, but it was a good "introduction" to the breast. And it was so exciting for me!
Alex finally got a "house" (that's what I like to call their isolettes) this week. I've been pushing for this for awhile, because he's so sensitive to light and sound. The isolette really helps. His primary nurse, Ruby, is back after a long vacation. We really missed her. She surprised me tonight by putting clothes on him for the very first time. Alex looked so cute and the outfit fit him just right. He's my chunky monkey now.
The surgeon is going to look at Alex on Tuesday to evaluate him for the surgery to remove his ostomy and reconnect his bowels. Unfortunately, Alex has developed an infection in his lungs, and they won't do surgery while he is sick. He is being given antibiotics and seems to be feeling a little better today than he was yesterday. He is on full feeds and off IV support, finally, but they will wait to remove his IV until after the surgery. He will also stay on the ventilator until after his surgery. Hopefully I'll know more this week about when that will be. I know he's going to get better quickly; because he's a little fighter who consistently surprises everyone with his speedy progress.
Spencer will be 33 weeks tomorrow. Tonight the nurse allowed me to let him explore my breast. I expressed a few drops of milk for him. He licked and sucked a little, not enough to actually nurse, of course, but it was a good "introduction" to the breast. And it was so exciting for me!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Tuesday, May 24th
This past week was a little rough with Alex. Over the weekend he went from being on C-PAP to being reintubated and back on the conventional ventilator, and then took a further step backward to the jet ventilator. What a roller coaster ride we've been on in the last week and a half. He's now back on the conventional ventilator and is doing just fine. I tried to hold him on twice last week but he just wouldn't tolerate it. He is so sensitive and doesn't like to be moved around or touched a lot. He doesn't seem to enjoy my singing much, either, but he does love to be talked and read to. I was pretty disappointed that I couldn't hold him, and was very upset that, when he was still on C-PAP and crying, I couldn't pick him up and comfort him. It's hard for me to give Alex what he really seems to need right now, which is a little space. Last night I didn't go to visit him; I went to bed and got a good night's rest. I felt guilty, but I think I needed to remove myself from the situation a little. I keep trying to remind myself that the fact that Alex still needs the ventilator to breath is not a bad thing. He is doing exactly what he would be doing if he were still in the womb where he belongs. He is focusing his energy on growing, not breathing. Alex has already gained 2 pounds over his birth weight; he is a chubby 3 lbs. 7 oz.!
Spencer was moved to the intermediate nursery on Saturday. This is the step between ICU and coming home. Intermediate nursery babies require less care; the nursery is calmer and quieter, without as many beeping monitors and staff rushing around. We have been enjoying kangaroo care together every day; last night I fell asleep with him on my chest. I'm looking forward with great anticipation to doing that with both boys at home. Spencer is now 2 lbs. 14.5 oz., and is gaining steadily, so I'm sure it's only a matter of days until he too is over 3 pounds.
Spencer was moved to the intermediate nursery on Saturday. This is the step between ICU and coming home. Intermediate nursery babies require less care; the nursery is calmer and quieter, without as many beeping monitors and staff rushing around. We have been enjoying kangaroo care together every day; last night I fell asleep with him on my chest. I'm looking forward with great anticipation to doing that with both boys at home. Spencer is now 2 lbs. 14.5 oz., and is gaining steadily, so I'm sure it's only a matter of days until he too is over 3 pounds.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Big News for Alex
Alex was extubated and switched to C-PAP. He had to be extubated because he had outgrown his tube and they needed to put a bigger one in, so they figured they'd give him a try on C-PAP. His nurse was told "We don't expect him to stay extubated," but here we are over 24 hours later and Alex is once again amazing the NICU staff. He is still on C-PAP, at 35% oxygen, and he's doing great! He's laying on his tummy because it's easier for him to breath that way. I was also told that his feeds are now being increased by 1 ml every feed, which means he'll get to full feeds much more quickly (as long as he continues to tolerate them). Getting to full feeds means getting off IV support and finally getting that central line taken out of his chest!
I had a mommy meltdown moment this morning before work. I woke up after having a dream that Alex was sick and back in the hospital after being released. Of course I knew that he was okay, but I had to call his nursery to check on him. When I told the nurse that I was back to work and it was hard not being there with the boys all day I started crying. It's so hard to leave them in someone else's care for most of the hours of the day and night, especially now that they can be held, and will start to be able to breast feed before long. I broke down crying and considered not going into the office today. After my sister let me cry on her shoulder this morning I felt a little better, and she helped me come up with some ideas on how to stay more connected while I'm away. I am now calling the NICU every time I pump while I'm at work, and trying to contribute my suggestions on their care to their day nurses, not just the nurses I see in the evenings. Thank God for my sister's listening ear and strong shoulders.
I feel it's important to record and share these feelings. I've been reading the blog of a mom whose twin boys were born at 25.5 weeks and are now thriving toddlers. It's reassuring to learn "Oh, she felt the way I feel," and "Oh, they went through that, too." I also want my boys to know someday what incredible miracles they are and that no matter how hard this might be at times, I feel infinitely blessed for everything that I'm experiencing with them, and wouldn't trade any of it.
I had a mommy meltdown moment this morning before work. I woke up after having a dream that Alex was sick and back in the hospital after being released. Of course I knew that he was okay, but I had to call his nursery to check on him. When I told the nurse that I was back to work and it was hard not being there with the boys all day I started crying. It's so hard to leave them in someone else's care for most of the hours of the day and night, especially now that they can be held, and will start to be able to breast feed before long. I broke down crying and considered not going into the office today. After my sister let me cry on her shoulder this morning I felt a little better, and she helped me come up with some ideas on how to stay more connected while I'm away. I am now calling the NICU every time I pump while I'm at work, and trying to contribute my suggestions on their care to their day nurses, not just the nurses I see in the evenings. Thank God for my sister's listening ear and strong shoulders.
I feel it's important to record and share these feelings. I've been reading the blog of a mom whose twin boys were born at 25.5 weeks and are now thriving toddlers. It's reassuring to learn "Oh, she felt the way I feel," and "Oh, they went through that, too." I also want my boys to know someday what incredible miracles they are and that no matter how hard this might be at times, I feel infinitely blessed for everything that I'm experiencing with them, and wouldn't trade any of it.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Tuesday, May 17th
I am utterly exhausted. I got into my car in the hospital parking garage at 10:35 tonight, put my head down on the steering wheel, and just cried. I don't know how I'm going to keep this up - working all day and spending the evening at the hospital with the boys. But I don't have a choice. I have to work to pay the bills, and I need to be my babies' mother. I guess that's what happens when you become a parent - no matter how hard it is, no matter how tired you are, you just have to do it. You have to push through - for your children.
I finally got to hold Alex again tonight. He is off the jet ventilator and back on the conventional vent. He's grown so much since the last time I held him. Since Alex can't wear clothes yet like Spencer, I dressed him in a hat and socks after I changed his diaper. He looked adorable, my dapper little guy.
Spencer had a wonderful nurse today, Anne, who sat him up and burped him when she noticed him desatting during his feeding. While I did kangaroo care during his 6:00 feeding I learned to tell when he was having reflux (he turns red like he's working really hard to push a burp out). I rubbed his back during those times and it really seemed to help. I appreciate those nurses who take initiative in caring for my babies and in teaching me how to care for them.
I finally got to hold Alex again tonight. He is off the jet ventilator and back on the conventional vent. He's grown so much since the last time I held him. Since Alex can't wear clothes yet like Spencer, I dressed him in a hat and socks after I changed his diaper. He looked adorable, my dapper little guy.
Spencer had a wonderful nurse today, Anne, who sat him up and burped him when she noticed him desatting during his feeding. While I did kangaroo care during his 6:00 feeding I learned to tell when he was having reflux (he turns red like he's working really hard to push a burp out). I rubbed his back during those times and it really seemed to help. I appreciate those nurses who take initiative in caring for my babies and in teaching me how to care for them.
Monday, May 16, 2005
My Heart Overfloweth
Alex was Mr. Smiley tonight. The bone that holds his breathing tube was taped far enough away from his mouth that I could observe his full facial responses to my talking and singing. Several times his face lit up with a big baby smile. How my heart overflows with joy when my babies smile at me!
Spencer stayed on the straight oxygen for about twelve hours, but then seemed to get a little tired. He was switched back to Vapo-Therm in the early afternoon. His first try was a good one; I'm sure he'll make a permanent switch before too long.
Being back at work today felt strangely foreign and familiar at once. It's good to be with my friends and to be doing something "normal," but it was strange not seeing my boys all day long. I couldn't wait to get to the hospital to kiss their little heads tonight.
Spencer stayed on the straight oxygen for about twelve hours, but then seemed to get a little tired. He was switched back to Vapo-Therm in the early afternoon. His first try was a good one; I'm sure he'll make a permanent switch before too long.
Being back at work today felt strangely foreign and familiar at once. It's good to be with my friends and to be doing something "normal," but it was strange not seeing my boys all day long. I couldn't wait to get to the hospital to kiss their little heads tonight.
Monday, May 16th
I called the hospital a little while ago. Spencer is on oxygen only now, and Alex is 3 pounds 1 ounce. He has more than doubled his birth weight!
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Mischief and Milestones
Alex is a mischievous little guy! When I called his nurse this morning to see how he was doing she said he would NOT calm down for her. He was wide awake and moving all over the place. Then, while I was talking to her, she turned around and he was asleep! "Step away from the baby," she said. Ha! Tonight Alex was desatting (the percentage of oxygen in his blood was dropping below 85%) and his nurse decided to suction out his breathing tube to see if that would help. As soon as she turned off the ventilator his sats jumped to 94%, and when she started suctioning him they jumped to 100%. We had fun laughing at his little "game."
The doctors continue to wean Alex's ventilator settings, which means his lungs are working better and he's getting closer to getting off the "breathing machine." They haven't weighed him since last Monday, when his weight was 1250, which was probably a bit high because of fluid retention, but he is definitely bigger than Spencer. Even Spencer's primary nurse, Glenda, says so. His legs are chubby and cute.
More milestones for my froggy bottom boy, Spencer. Yesterday I arrived in his nursery to find him wearing clothes! What a surprise for Mommy! They had taken him off the heat sensor (one less wire attached to his body - yeah!) and put clothes on him to help him maintain his body temperature. He was wearing one of the hospital's outfits, so of course I got to work dressing him up in some of the clothes that were given to us by friends. I even put his "I Love You" socks on...and they fit! He was swimming in everything else, but he still looked adorable. Of course, within a couple hours Spencer had spit up on his shirt, so we had to change it. As of this evening he's gone through about four outfits. He's introducing me to the joy of baby laundry.
Today's big news for Spencer? He's officially gained a pound from his birth weight! 1 pound and 1/2 ounce, to be exact. As of this evening he is at 1145 grams, which is 2 lbs 8.5 oz.
The doctors continue to wean Alex's ventilator settings, which means his lungs are working better and he's getting closer to getting off the "breathing machine." They haven't weighed him since last Monday, when his weight was 1250, which was probably a bit high because of fluid retention, but he is definitely bigger than Spencer. Even Spencer's primary nurse, Glenda, says so. His legs are chubby and cute.
More milestones for my froggy bottom boy, Spencer. Yesterday I arrived in his nursery to find him wearing clothes! What a surprise for Mommy! They had taken him off the heat sensor (one less wire attached to his body - yeah!) and put clothes on him to help him maintain his body temperature. He was wearing one of the hospital's outfits, so of course I got to work dressing him up in some of the clothes that were given to us by friends. I even put his "I Love You" socks on...and they fit! He was swimming in everything else, but he still looked adorable. Of course, within a couple hours Spencer had spit up on his shirt, so we had to change it. As of this evening he's gone through about four outfits. He's introducing me to the joy of baby laundry.
Today's big news for Spencer? He's officially gained a pound from his birth weight! 1 pound and 1/2 ounce, to be exact. As of this evening he is at 1145 grams, which is 2 lbs 8.5 oz.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Kangaroo Care and More
Spencer and I got to practice kangaroo care for the first time today. Spencer, wearing nothing but his diaper, was placed on my chest inside my blouse. This skin-to-skin "therapy" for premature babies was accidentally discovered by doctors in South America whose hospitals did not have money to buy enough incubators for premies. K-care babies grow faster, breathe better, and are calmer than non k-care babies. And of course we moms get the benefits of feeling more involved in our babies' care and bonding more closely with our babies. It was such an incredible experience. I held Spencer on my chest for about 40 minutes. He rested so peacefully, occasionally opening his eyes to gaze up at me. I even had the monumental milestone of my first baby spit-up on my blouse!
Alex continues to recover from his lung problems. His ventilator settings went down further today (indicating that he needs less support). He was his lively self when I was with him today. Unfortunately I didn't get to spend enough time with him today. I barely got to sing and read to him. It really broke my heart when I had to leave his bedside. I'm returning to work full time next week and I'm realizing that I really can't commit to anything beyond working and being with my babies at the hospital. They are going to need me more and more in the coming weeks, as they are able to be held more, begin to bottle and breast feed, and make other steps toward coming home. Sleep may just have to take a back burner to them...it will when they come home, so I might as well start now.
Spencer is doing very well on Vapo-Therm. They now weigh him every day. He's at 2 lbs 6.5 oz. I discovered that the conversion of the boys' birth weights that I was given was wrong. Spencer was actually 1 lb 8 oz and Alex was 1 lb 7.5 oz. I'm going to go back to my previous blog entry and fix those numbers. There is a new 24 week preemie in Spencer's nursery who weighs more than Spence did when he was born. I look at that baby and I can't remember Spencer being that small. It really puts into perspective how much the boys have grown.
Alex continues to recover from his lung problems. His ventilator settings went down further today (indicating that he needs less support). He was his lively self when I was with him today. Unfortunately I didn't get to spend enough time with him today. I barely got to sing and read to him. It really broke my heart when I had to leave his bedside. I'm returning to work full time next week and I'm realizing that I really can't commit to anything beyond working and being with my babies at the hospital. They are going to need me more and more in the coming weeks, as they are able to be held more, begin to bottle and breast feed, and make other steps toward coming home. Sleep may just have to take a back burner to them...it will when they come home, so I might as well start now.
Spencer is doing very well on Vapo-Therm. They now weigh him every day. He's at 2 lbs 6.5 oz. I discovered that the conversion of the boys' birth weights that I was given was wrong. Spencer was actually 1 lb 8 oz and Alex was 1 lb 7.5 oz. I'm going to go back to my previous blog entry and fix those numbers. There is a new 24 week preemie in Spencer's nursery who weighs more than Spence did when he was born. I look at that baby and I can't remember Spencer being that small. It really puts into perspective how much the boys have grown.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Tuesday, May 10th
Alex is doing so much better today. When I arrived at his bedside this afternoon he immediately started moving and soon opened his eyes. His urine output is up and his blood pressure is better. They resumed his feedings this afternoon. Tonight, after changing his diaper, taking his temperature, etc. (the usual steps before a feeding) I read a book and sang some songs to him. He opened his eyes so wide and kept stretching his mouth open as if he wanted to talk to me. Eventually he started falling asleep, but he was fighting it, trying to keep his eyes open. I finally covered him up and said goodnight, because he never would have calmed down with me there. I'm so relieved that he's doing better and my heart is so full of love and awe.
While I was visiting Alex the doctors were doing their rounds. They reviewed Alex's chest x-rays and when I heard them say "He's doing much better," I piped up and said "Yes, he is!". The attending showed me Alex's x-ray from two days ago and today's x-ray. The difference is incredible. Much of the free air that was in the tissue supporting his lungs has disappeared. Thank God for the staff at AMC who know so well how to take care of my boys, and thank God for the strength and healing power he has given little Alex. I continue to be amazed by how quickly my blondie bear bounces back.
Spencer's nurse announced to me this evening that they are going to be switching him to Vapo-Therm sometime tonight. I was so taken aback, I thought "Is she talking about my son?". Vapo-Therm is the next step on the road to breathing on his own. It is moisturized oxygen blown into the nose under some pressure, but not as much pressure as CPAP. It means no more hat and very little in front of his face, and it means being able to get him out of his isolette more easily. It also means I can start kangaroo care! There's always the chance, of course, that he won't be ready and they'll have to switch him back to CPAP for awhile, but that's okay. We'll take each day as it comes and rejoice in the triumphs we have.
My sister said that her 4 1/2 year old twins came upon a fountain at a store and wanted to throw money into it. She told them "Make a wish for your cousins." Cole threw his change in and declared "I wish for a puppy for Alex and Spencer." Not for them to grow, or get well, or get out of the hospital...there's no doubt in his mind that the boys are going to be just fine. Help me God, to have the faith of a child, and not to focus on what might happen, but to dwell on all the beautiful wishes my family, friends, and I have for my boys, and imagine them coming true someday.
While I was visiting Alex the doctors were doing their rounds. They reviewed Alex's chest x-rays and when I heard them say "He's doing much better," I piped up and said "Yes, he is!". The attending showed me Alex's x-ray from two days ago and today's x-ray. The difference is incredible. Much of the free air that was in the tissue supporting his lungs has disappeared. Thank God for the staff at AMC who know so well how to take care of my boys, and thank God for the strength and healing power he has given little Alex. I continue to be amazed by how quickly my blondie bear bounces back.
Spencer's nurse announced to me this evening that they are going to be switching him to Vapo-Therm sometime tonight. I was so taken aback, I thought "Is she talking about my son?". Vapo-Therm is the next step on the road to breathing on his own. It is moisturized oxygen blown into the nose under some pressure, but not as much pressure as CPAP. It means no more hat and very little in front of his face, and it means being able to get him out of his isolette more easily. It also means I can start kangaroo care! There's always the chance, of course, that he won't be ready and they'll have to switch him back to CPAP for awhile, but that's okay. We'll take each day as it comes and rejoice in the triumphs we have.
My sister said that her 4 1/2 year old twins came upon a fountain at a store and wanted to throw money into it. She told them "Make a wish for your cousins." Cole threw his change in and declared "I wish for a puppy for Alex and Spencer." Not for them to grow, or get well, or get out of the hospital...there's no doubt in his mind that the boys are going to be just fine. Help me God, to have the faith of a child, and not to focus on what might happen, but to dwell on all the beautiful wishes my family, friends, and I have for my boys, and imagine them coming true someday.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Monday, May 9th
Alex and Spencer are 30 weeks gestationally today. I'm supposed to be staying positive, but I feel like all I can do tonight is worry. I visited twice today, once in the early afternoon and once this evening, and both times Alex appeared to be very tired. He didn't move around very much, didn't try to open his eyes, didn't respond when I spoke or sang to him. The nurse wasn't happy with his blood pressure this afternoon, and his urine output is low. He has me worried that something is wrong. A culture of the aspirates from his ET tube has been ordered to see if he has an infection, and he's getting a blood transfusion tonight. Maybe he'll perk up after the transfusion and I'm worrying for nothing. He finally did squeeze my finger a bit when the nurse was drawing blood, as if to say "I'm okay, Mommy. Stop worrying so much." I'm trying not to, baby bear, I really am.
I held Spencer again tonight and I swear he smiled at me when I was talking to him!
I held Spencer again tonight and I swear he smiled at me when I was talking to him!
Friday, May 06, 2005
Friday, May 6th
Spencer was extubated and put on CPAP at about 10:30 this morning. He seems to be doing well with it. Several other parents had told me "You won't be able to see his face once he's on CPAP," but I can see his eyes and his mouth. I love seeing his little mouth and tongue; they have been hidden by the bone that held his ET tube in place. Hearing him is incredible. He doesn't make a lot of noise yet (tiny squeaks escape when he's crying) but it's the beginning of hearing his voice. I gave Spencer a pacifier for the first time today and he did well with it. I made sure that he had it for his 6:00 feeding, so that he would begin associating sucking with being fed. I'm hoping that this will make the transition from tube to bottle/breast feeding a little easier for him.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Wednesday, May 4th
I've been bad about blogging lately. So much going on, so many thoughts running through my head, and I haven't taken the time to record them. As of last Thursday Alex is up to 985 grams (2 lbs 2.7 oz) and as of this Tuesday Spencer is at 990 grams (2 lbs 2.9 oz). I finally got to hold Spencer on Friday and Alex on Sunday. It was a little overwhelming with Spencer, taking that tiny baby into my hands. Holding him really put into perspective just how small he really is. I cried, of course, when I held them. They bring me so much joy. I just want to hold on and never let go.
Now I'm sick with another cold, so I can't even go see my boys. I've been trying not to get down about it, and today I learned something from the pharmacist that made me feel a little better. She said that the immunity I'm building up against this virus is being passed to them through my breast milk, so, in a way, I'm actually helping my babies by being sick.
The doctors decided to try extubating Spencer on Saturday. This means that they removed his breathing tube, took him off the ventilator, and put him on CPAP. CPAP doesn't actually breathe for the babies, as a ventilator does; instead it keeps the airways open by blowing oxygen in through the nose. The doctors thought Spencer might be ready to breathe on his own, based on the fact that they had been able to steadily lower the settings on his ventilator. He was off the ventilator for about two hours on Saturday, but he was having to work too hard to breathe on his own, so they had to reintubate him. Fortunately, I had talked to other moms whose babies had gone through the same process; this can happen several times before the baby is permanently off the ventilator. It was still disappointing, but at least I was prepared. The doctors further lowered Spencer's vent settings today, and will probably try to extubate him again tomorrow.
Alex resumed feedings yesterday after a week off due to his PDA ligation. As of this morning he was getting 3 ml every 3 hours and tolerating his feeds just fine. They will increase his feeds by 1 ml every 12 hours. He is still in an open warmer bed. I hope they'll be able to switch him to an isolette soon, where it will be quieter for him. He really gets worked up when it gets noisy in his nursery!
I can tell I'm suffering from a little post-partum depression. I'm irritable sometimes and I cry at the drop of a hat. I've received many beautiful cards, expressions of concern, and reminders that people are praying for and thinking of us (including several "first mother's day" cards!). Almost every time I read these missives I start bawling. Spencer, Alex, and I are very blessed to have the support of so many wonderful, caring people.
Now I'm sick with another cold, so I can't even go see my boys. I've been trying not to get down about it, and today I learned something from the pharmacist that made me feel a little better. She said that the immunity I'm building up against this virus is being passed to them through my breast milk, so, in a way, I'm actually helping my babies by being sick.
The doctors decided to try extubating Spencer on Saturday. This means that they removed his breathing tube, took him off the ventilator, and put him on CPAP. CPAP doesn't actually breathe for the babies, as a ventilator does; instead it keeps the airways open by blowing oxygen in through the nose. The doctors thought Spencer might be ready to breathe on his own, based on the fact that they had been able to steadily lower the settings on his ventilator. He was off the ventilator for about two hours on Saturday, but he was having to work too hard to breathe on his own, so they had to reintubate him. Fortunately, I had talked to other moms whose babies had gone through the same process; this can happen several times before the baby is permanently off the ventilator. It was still disappointing, but at least I was prepared. The doctors further lowered Spencer's vent settings today, and will probably try to extubate him again tomorrow.
Alex resumed feedings yesterday after a week off due to his PDA ligation. As of this morning he was getting 3 ml every 3 hours and tolerating his feeds just fine. They will increase his feeds by 1 ml every 12 hours. He is still in an open warmer bed. I hope they'll be able to switch him to an isolette soon, where it will be quieter for him. He really gets worked up when it gets noisy in his nursery!
I can tell I'm suffering from a little post-partum depression. I'm irritable sometimes and I cry at the drop of a hat. I've received many beautiful cards, expressions of concern, and reminders that people are praying for and thinking of us (including several "first mother's day" cards!). Almost every time I read these missives I start bawling. Spencer, Alex, and I are very blessed to have the support of so many wonderful, caring people.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Alexander's Surgery
Alex's PDA ligation surgery was a success. The surgeon placed a small metal clamp (a "glorified staple") on his PDA to close it. Alex did well and is resting peacefully, recovering now.
They weighed Alex just before surgery: 2 lbs. 3 oz.! Grow, baby, grow!
They weighed Alex just before surgery: 2 lbs. 3 oz.! Grow, baby, grow!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Tuesday, April 26th
I received a call today from one of Alex's NICU doctors informing me that he is going to need another surgery. His PDA (patent ductus arteriosus), which carries a fetus' blood from one blood vessel to another and normally closes before birth, was open when he was born (common among premies). He was given medication to close it after his birth, but it has since reopened. The result is fluid in his lungs and a lack of adequate blood supply to his intestines, which he needs for proper digestion.
Alex is stable and does not appear to be sick. He will not be fed breast milk again until after he has recovered from the surgery. The surgery will take place Thursday. Alex needs lots of thoughts, prayers, and positive energy sent to him right now, and I could really use an extra dose of peace and tranquility. No matter how rational I am, thinking of my tiny little baby undergoing surgery sends arrows of fear straight through my heart.
Some good news for the day: Alex was switched to a conventional ventilator. It's less jarring than the oscillating vent, which seems to be better for these tiny babies who are sensitive to too much stimulation. Spencer was weighed today and is 930 grams. That's just over 2 pounds!
Alex is stable and does not appear to be sick. He will not be fed breast milk again until after he has recovered from the surgery. The surgery will take place Thursday. Alex needs lots of thoughts, prayers, and positive energy sent to him right now, and I could really use an extra dose of peace and tranquility. No matter how rational I am, thinking of my tiny little baby undergoing surgery sends arrows of fear straight through my heart.
Some good news for the day: Alex was switched to a conventional ventilator. It's less jarring than the oscillating vent, which seems to be better for these tiny babies who are sensitive to too much stimulation. Spencer was weighed today and is 930 grams. That's just over 2 pounds!
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Wednesday, April 20th
Spencer has finally opened his eyes! He is up to 7 ml of breast milk every 3 hours and is handling it well, other than a little bit of reflux, which is what seems to be causing the occasional dips in his blood-oxygen saturation level. He has calmed down a lot now that he is on a conventional ventilator and is in an isolette. He even seems to enjoy my touch now. When he's laying on his belly (which seems to be his favorite position) I can lay my hand across his back. It's like a blanket for him and his back is so soft and warm (I love the feeling). He actually seems irritated when I take my hand away, whereas he used to seem irritated if I touched him. He has gained about 5 1/2 oz. over his birth weight, and I definitely can see that he's grown.
Alex continues to do well recovering from his surgery. They began feeding him again early yesterday morning, and he is up to 3 ml every 3 hours. His ostomy bag is full of healthy stool, a great sign, and he's tolerating his feeds well. He is still on the oscillating ventilator (the doctors seem to want to take things slowly with him) but his settings are continually being weaned down. I hope to see him switched over soon so he can be put in an isolette. It's a much better environment for them.
The feelings of uselessness, as though I'm not really taking care of my babies, are frustrating. It helps when the nurses let me change their diapers or take their temperature. I remind myself that by pumping my breath milk seven times a day I am doing something to take care of them. But I'm anxious to hold them, and I really want to take them home so I can be their mommy.
Alex continues to do well recovering from his surgery. They began feeding him again early yesterday morning, and he is up to 3 ml every 3 hours. His ostomy bag is full of healthy stool, a great sign, and he's tolerating his feeds well. He is still on the oscillating ventilator (the doctors seem to want to take things slowly with him) but his settings are continually being weaned down. I hope to see him switched over soon so he can be put in an isolette. It's a much better environment for them.
The feelings of uselessness, as though I'm not really taking care of my babies, are frustrating. It helps when the nurses let me change their diapers or take their temperature. I remind myself that by pumping my breath milk seven times a day I am doing something to take care of them. But I'm anxious to hold them, and I really want to take them home so I can be their mommy.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Alex and Spencer are two weeks old today, but their gestational age is only 26 weeks + 3 days. It's hard to believe it's been two weeks since I gave birth. It feels like one long day with lots of naps. I'm healing well from surgery, but I still tire easily and have my crying jags. Fortunately I have wonderful support from my friends and family. They'll let me cry on their shoulders until I get it out of my system. I'm so thankful for them, and for their thoughts and prayers. All that positive energy is making a difference; the boys are doing well.
Spencer was switched to a conventional ventilator today, his first step on the long road to breathing on his own. His infection is completely gone. He is being fed regularly again, and is tolerating his feedings well. He is very active, just as he was in the womb (Spencer's the boy that moved overnight and gave me stretch marks in my upper abdomen). He reacts so much to the action around him that his nurse put a blindfold and earmuffs on him to try and keep him calm. Nosey boy! Is this a sign of things to come??
Alex is healing up well from his surgery; the doctors are very pleased. He has stool in his ostomy bag, which is a great sign. Hopefully he'll be able to resume feedings soon. Although he's still on morphine to keep him comfortable, he is managing to keep his nurses busy with lots of activity. He has opened both his beautiful blue eyes now, and loves to gaze at me as I sing to him. My blue-eyed blondie bear has captured my heart.
Spencer was switched to a conventional ventilator today, his first step on the long road to breathing on his own. His infection is completely gone. He is being fed regularly again, and is tolerating his feedings well. He is very active, just as he was in the womb (Spencer's the boy that moved overnight and gave me stretch marks in my upper abdomen). He reacts so much to the action around him that his nurse put a blindfold and earmuffs on him to try and keep him calm. Nosey boy! Is this a sign of things to come??
Alex is healing up well from his surgery; the doctors are very pleased. He has stool in his ostomy bag, which is a great sign. Hopefully he'll be able to resume feedings soon. Although he's still on morphine to keep him comfortable, he is managing to keep his nurses busy with lots of activity. He has opened both his beautiful blue eyes now, and loves to gaze at me as I sing to him. My blue-eyed blondie bear has captured my heart.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Sunday, April 10th
It's hard to believe the boys are 10 days old already. The last 10 days feel like one long, continuous day. I am on a roller coaster ride that's sure to last for at least the next four months.
Alex has been sick with an infection and his bowels had shut down. The doctors have been keeping a very close eye on his belly, and yesterday morning they found free air in his abdomen, which meant there was a opening somewhere in his bowels. They called me at 8:30 AM to tell me that they were going to have to do emergency surgery. They would open Alex's belly, assess the damage, fix it if possible, or close him back up. I knew what they were saying when they said if the damage was too bad they would just close him back up. I was so frightened....beyond anything I can express in words. Alex went into surgery at about 11 AM and we didn't hear anything for hours. Just before 3:00 we got word that he was out of surgery and had come through fine. The doctors expected worse, based on his appearance, but when they got in there they found that he had just one small perforation in his bowels. He is such a miracle; he keeps showing me how strong he is. He is doing so well today: his stats are stable and even though he is drugged up on morphine he is responding to my voice and touch, even trying to open his eyes.
Then I got the news that Spencer may be coming down with an infection. At first I nearly fainted, but then I realized, this is going to be my life for the next four months. It's going to be one thing after another. Being the mother of twin premies is going to bring a lot of stress and worry, but I know that my boys are going to make it and that they're going to bring me lots of joy, too. They are so strong. They each have their personalities. They are little miracles, my blondie bears. I am so grateful for them.
Alex has been sick with an infection and his bowels had shut down. The doctors have been keeping a very close eye on his belly, and yesterday morning they found free air in his abdomen, which meant there was a opening somewhere in his bowels. They called me at 8:30 AM to tell me that they were going to have to do emergency surgery. They would open Alex's belly, assess the damage, fix it if possible, or close him back up. I knew what they were saying when they said if the damage was too bad they would just close him back up. I was so frightened....beyond anything I can express in words. Alex went into surgery at about 11 AM and we didn't hear anything for hours. Just before 3:00 we got word that he was out of surgery and had come through fine. The doctors expected worse, based on his appearance, but when they got in there they found that he had just one small perforation in his bowels. He is such a miracle; he keeps showing me how strong he is. He is doing so well today: his stats are stable and even though he is drugged up on morphine he is responding to my voice and touch, even trying to open his eyes.
Then I got the news that Spencer may be coming down with an infection. At first I nearly fainted, but then I realized, this is going to be my life for the next four months. It's going to be one thing after another. Being the mother of twin premies is going to bring a lot of stress and worry, but I know that my boys are going to make it and that they're going to bring me lots of joy, too. They are so strong. They each have their personalities. They are little miracles, my blondie bears. I am so grateful for them.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Monday, April 4th
Well, let's just say that my little guys are already showing me who's the boss. At 24 weeks gestation they decided they were ready for the world...whether or not the world was ready for them. Alexander Christian and Spencer Andrew were born on Thursday, March 31st, at 12:55 and 12:56 PM. Alex weighed in at 670 grams (1 lb 7.5 oz) and was 12 1/4 inches long at birth, while Spence beat his brother out by half an ounce, measuring 680 grams (1 lb 8 oz), 12 1/2 inches long.
The boys were delivered via Cesarean at AMC. They are in the hands of the very capable staff of the Neonatal ICU and are doing well for their gestational age. I was released from the hospital today and am staying close by at the Ronald McDonald House. We're taking things day by day, knowing that we have a long road ahead of us, but having faith that the boys are going to grow healthy and strong. We're fortunate to have a wonderful network of supportive family and friends who are sending lots of light and positive energy.
Spencer and Alex are incredibly beautiful. I can't believe how much in love I am with them already. I cherish your thoughts and prayers for us.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Names
I'm not so sure about the name Samuel. I love the name Sam, and my family really likes it, too, but it's awfully popular. It's 30th on the top 100 list. I've liked the name Asher for years, and love the nickname Ash. It means happy, cheerful. I also like the name Allan. I don't think most people will like that, but I do. It means cheerful, harmony (the musical meaning is attractive to me). A name starting with Al- would also be a nod to my mom, whom I really wanted to name a little girl after. People would definitely call him Al. Could I handle that? At least it would make me think of Paul Simon: "I can call you Betty, and Betty when you call me, you can call me Al." When he's little we can even call him Ally. I don't care; it's cute. Decisions, decisions. People keep saying I'll change my mind many times before I give birth.
At least I know Spencer is Spencer!
At least I know Spencer is Spencer!
Saturday, March 12, 2005
It's A Boy! Times Two!!!
It's official. After an hour and a half level 2 ultrasound yesterday it was confirmed that I am carrying two healthy baby boys. All of their parts are in the right places: hearts, stomachs, bladders, and penises! I had already decided on Spencer for one of them, and Samuel has been the most popular of my other choices among my family, so it looks like they're going to be Sam and Spence.
Now that I know I'm having two baby boys, it feels so much more real that I'm going to be a mom. Run, Heather, run!!!! Wow, this is a scary prospect. I know I can be a great mom, but it's going to be such a huge change in my life. I won't be number one anymore. There are going to be two other people I'm going to have to take care of. I hope I won't be too self-centered to do it right. I want them to be healthy and happy, to feel loved and safe, to have what they need emotionally. I want them to grow up feeling safe and loving themselves. I hope I can give them what they need.
I love you so much already, my two little boys, and I can't wait to meet you and hold you in my arms.
Now that I know I'm having two baby boys, it feels so much more real that I'm going to be a mom. Run, Heather, run!!!! Wow, this is a scary prospect. I know I can be a great mom, but it's going to be such a huge change in my life. I won't be number one anymore. There are going to be two other people I'm going to have to take care of. I hope I won't be too self-centered to do it right. I want them to be healthy and happy, to feel loved and safe, to have what they need emotionally. I want them to grow up feeling safe and loving themselves. I hope I can give them what they need.
I love you so much already, my two little boys, and I can't wait to meet you and hold you in my arms.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Week 17 - I'm So Blessed
Have I mentioned how blessed I am to work where I do? Not only do I have a bunch of caring, considerate people in my department, but all across campus. Colleagues from all over email and ask how I'm feeling and send good wishes. I truly, truly appreciate them.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Week 14
I'm so tired again! It's different from the way I felt during my first trimester. I haven't been sleeping very well (I think because of the new blood pressure medication), and I've felt sick to my stomach from being so tired. I get this way even when I'm not pregnant if I don't get enough sleep.
I can really feel my uterus now. It's hard! I can also feel it "stretching" a lot during the day. It's kind-of neat, because it's a constant reminder that there really is something going on down there. I can't wait to feel them moving. That will make this feel even more real.
One other thing I have to add. Lately my stomach feels like a bottomless pit!
I can really feel my uterus now. It's hard! I can also feel it "stretching" a lot during the day. It's kind-of neat, because it's a constant reminder that there really is something going on down there. I can't wait to feel them moving. That will make this feel even more real.
One other thing I have to add. Lately my stomach feels like a bottomless pit!
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Week 13
Gali has been talking about all the wierd names she sees for newborns in the newspaper. I found a "baby name wizard" online today and I have an idea where people might be getting those names. It was hilarious. I sent the link to Gali. She sent me back the sweetest email saying how excited she is about my babies coming. I am so blessed to have her as a sister, and they will be so blessed to have her as an aunt.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Week 12 - Thursday
I'm finally starting to get my energy back. I'm feeling really good. I can't believe what a change has happened in just a couple of days. Late Tuesday afternoon I ran up the stairs and work and didn't realize it. I got to the top and said "Oh my gosh! I just ran up the stairs!" Ever since my energy has been getting better and better. I'm so thankful!!!
Monday, January 03, 2005
Week 12 - Doctor's Appointment
My visit with the OB went fine. My blood pressure is down, not perfect, but a lot better than last week. The doctor checked the heartbeats, this time with an external ultrasound. Both are strong. I saw the babies moving for the first time today. They are so active! I can't believe there are two little human beings moving around inside of me.
Week 12
Today is the beginning of my twelfth week of pregnancy. I am feeling pretty good this morning, especially considering the fact that I only got 8 hours of sleep last night, as opposed to my usual 10. I hope the constant exhaustion is going to get better soon.
I have to go back to the OB's office for another blood pressure check later today. They are concerned that my blood pressure was high on Thursday. I am redoubling my efforts to eat healthfully: I'm watching my salt intake, cutting out soda completely, and trying to increase my intake of fruits and vegetables. I really don't want to go on blood pressure medication, but I will do it if necessary. I think exercise would help tremendously, and I'm going to ask the doctor today if I can at the very least walk on the treadmill or EFX. I'm also going to start meditating. I've experimented with it a little before, but I'm going to try to make it a habit now.
My niece and nephew are so cute about the babies. On Saturday Maddie filled two baby bottles with milk and brought them to me for my babies. Cole was checking me out with his mommy's stethoscope, listening to my back and front and telling me to breath deeply. I want my babies to grow up spending as much time as possible with their cousins. I'm so happy that they'll have each other.
I have to go back to the OB's office for another blood pressure check later today. They are concerned that my blood pressure was high on Thursday. I am redoubling my efforts to eat healthfully: I'm watching my salt intake, cutting out soda completely, and trying to increase my intake of fruits and vegetables. I really don't want to go on blood pressure medication, but I will do it if necessary. I think exercise would help tremendously, and I'm going to ask the doctor today if I can at the very least walk on the treadmill or EFX. I'm also going to start meditating. I've experimented with it a little before, but I'm going to try to make it a habit now.
My niece and nephew are so cute about the babies. On Saturday Maddie filled two baby bottles with milk and brought them to me for my babies. Cole was checking me out with his mommy's stethoscope, listening to my back and front and telling me to breath deeply. I want my babies to grow up spending as much time as possible with their cousins. I'm so happy that they'll have each other.
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