Thursday, May 19, 2005

Big News for Alex

Alex was extubated and switched to C-PAP. He had to be extubated because he had outgrown his tube and they needed to put a bigger one in, so they figured they'd give him a try on C-PAP. His nurse was told "We don't expect him to stay extubated," but here we are over 24 hours later and Alex is once again amazing the NICU staff. He is still on C-PAP, at 35% oxygen, and he's doing great! He's laying on his tummy because it's easier for him to breath that way. I was also told that his feeds are now being increased by 1 ml every feed, which means he'll get to full feeds much more quickly (as long as he continues to tolerate them). Getting to full feeds means getting off IV support and finally getting that central line taken out of his chest!

I had a mommy meltdown moment this morning before work. I woke up after having a dream that Alex was sick and back in the hospital after being released. Of course I knew that he was okay, but I had to call his nursery to check on him. When I told the nurse that I was back to work and it was hard not being there with the boys all day I started crying. It's so hard to leave them in someone else's care for most of the hours of the day and night, especially now that they can be held, and will start to be able to breast feed before long. I broke down crying and considered not going into the office today. After my sister let me cry on her shoulder this morning I felt a little better, and she helped me come up with some ideas on how to stay more connected while I'm away. I am now calling the NICU every time I pump while I'm at work, and trying to contribute my suggestions on their care to their day nurses, not just the nurses I see in the evenings. Thank God for my sister's listening ear and strong shoulders.

I feel it's important to record and share these feelings. I've been reading the blog of a mom whose twin boys were born at 25.5 weeks and are now thriving toddlers. It's reassuring to learn "Oh, she felt the way I feel," and "Oh, they went through that, too." I also want my boys to know someday what incredible miracles they are and that no matter how hard this might be at times, I feel infinitely blessed for everything that I'm experiencing with them, and wouldn't trade any of it.

1 comment:

Beth Allen said...

Alex and Spencer are beautiful. I hope Alex does well on CPAP. They sure are putting up a good fight! You're a wonderful mommy to them. They will teach you plenty.