Time is dragging on. I don't think I'm getting enough sleep. I'm usually able to keep my chin up, but boy am I feeling grouchy and sad. I didn't even get to hold Spencer today. He's having a lot of A's & B's*. The nurses think they're being caused by his reflux (they appear to be occurring during and immediately after feedings), but they want him to rest today so they can observe him and make sure. I had him out yesterday for an hour and afterward his temperature was low. It's possible that his temperature may also be playing a role in the A's & B's. Spencer's nurse was upset with me yesterday for keeping him out of his isolette for an hour. Apparently, he burns a lot more calories when he's out of his isolette; it's a lot more work for his little body. This makes sense, but why hasn't anyone told me this before? I've been holding Spencer for an hour every day for the last three weeks. If I had known it wasn't good for him I wouldn't have done it. I was in tears because of this yesterday and again today. I felt like Spencer's nurse yesterday thought I was being a bad mother, but I'm trying to keep in mind that I'm hyper-sensitive right now and probably reading more into it than there is.
On to more positive news: Alex was extubated again at 1:00 AM Friday, June 3rd. He was on a C-PAP of 8 (the highest setting) and oxygen of about 35%. He has been doing well and was lowered to 7 last night. Five minutes after I walked into Alex's nursery yesterday his weekend nurse, Debbie (who I adore, by the way) asked me if I wanted to hold him. He did GREAT and I got to hold him again today. I am so incredibly thankful that he is tolerating my holding him again. He makes me so proud and happy. Alex dipped back below the 4 pound mark, but this is because he was retaining a lot of fluids while he was sick. He is no longer puffy looking and is doing great with his feeds of 38 ml (about 1.3 oz.) every three hours. He should be having the surgery to reconnect his intestines this week. He will need to be reintubated for that, but after he recovers he'll be taken off the ventilator again. I just know my blondie bear is going to fly once he's past this surgery.
Spencer was taken off of Vapo-Therm on Thursday, June 2nd. He is now on room air, and not receiving any respiratory support. Aside from his episodes of A's & B's* he is doing really well. He now weighs about 3 lbs. 7.5 oz. He was given his two month immunizations on May 31st. Thankfully I was able to be there to comfort him. He has been exploring my breasts (something we're putting on hold awhile until he gets a little bigger) and he actually latched on and fed a little on Thursday. I cried. My mom was there with me. It was a beautiful moment. I think breastfeeding is the most maternal thing I can possibly do, aside from actually carrying the babies in my womb.
*A's & B's - apneas: cessation of breathing; and bradycardias: abnormally slow heartbeat