This past week was a little rough with Alex. Over the weekend he went from being on C-PAP to being reintubated and back on the conventional ventilator, and then took a further step backward to the jet ventilator. What a roller coaster ride we've been on in the last week and a half. He's now back on the conventional ventilator and is doing just fine. I tried to hold him on twice last week but he just wouldn't tolerate it. He is so sensitive and doesn't like to be moved around or touched a lot. He doesn't seem to enjoy my singing much, either, but he does love to be talked and read to. I was pretty disappointed that I couldn't hold him, and was very upset that, when he was still on C-PAP and crying, I couldn't pick him up and comfort him. It's hard for me to give Alex what he really seems to need right now, which is a little space. Last night I didn't go to visit him; I went to bed and got a good night's rest. I felt guilty, but I think I needed to remove myself from the situation a little. I keep trying to remind myself that the fact that Alex still needs the ventilator to breath is not a bad thing. He is doing exactly what he would be doing if he were still in the womb where he belongs. He is focusing his energy on growing, not breathing. Alex has already gained 2 pounds over his birth weight; he is a chubby 3 lbs. 7 oz.!
Spencer was moved to the intermediate nursery on Saturday. This is the step between ICU and coming home. Intermediate nursery babies require less care; the nursery is calmer and quieter, without as many beeping monitors and staff rushing around. We have been enjoying kangaroo care together every day; last night I fell asleep with him on my chest. I'm looking forward with great anticipation to doing that with both boys at home. Spencer is now 2 lbs. 14.5 oz., and is gaining steadily, so I'm sure it's only a matter of days until he too is over 3 pounds.