Thursday, April 28, 2005

Alexander's Surgery

Alex's PDA ligation surgery was a success. The surgeon placed a small metal clamp (a "glorified staple") on his PDA to close it. Alex did well and is resting peacefully, recovering now.

They weighed Alex just before surgery: 2 lbs. 3 oz.! Grow, baby, grow!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Tuesday, April 26th

I received a call today from one of Alex's NICU doctors informing me that he is going to need another surgery. His PDA (patent ductus arteriosus), which carries a fetus' blood from one blood vessel to another and normally closes before birth, was open when he was born (common among premies). He was given medication to close it after his birth, but it has since reopened. The result is fluid in his lungs and a lack of adequate blood supply to his intestines, which he needs for proper digestion.

Alex is stable and does not appear to be sick. He will not be fed breast milk again until after he has recovered from the surgery. The surgery will take place Thursday. Alex needs lots of thoughts, prayers, and positive energy sent to him right now, and I could really use an extra dose of peace and tranquility. No matter how rational I am, thinking of my tiny little baby undergoing surgery sends arrows of fear straight through my heart.

Some good news for the day: Alex was switched to a conventional ventilator. It's less jarring than the oscillating vent, which seems to be better for these tiny babies who are sensitive to too much stimulation. Spencer was weighed today and is 930 grams. That's just over 2 pounds!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Wednesday, April 20th

Spencer has finally opened his eyes! He is up to 7 ml of breast milk every 3 hours and is handling it well, other than a little bit of reflux, which is what seems to be causing the occasional dips in his blood-oxygen saturation level. He has calmed down a lot now that he is on a conventional ventilator and is in an isolette. He even seems to enjoy my touch now. When he's laying on his belly (which seems to be his favorite position) I can lay my hand across his back. It's like a blanket for him and his back is so soft and warm (I love the feeling). He actually seems irritated when I take my hand away, whereas he used to seem irritated if I touched him. He has gained about 5 1/2 oz. over his birth weight, and I definitely can see that he's grown.

Alex continues to do well recovering from his surgery. They began feeding him again early yesterday morning, and he is up to 3 ml every 3 hours. His ostomy bag is full of healthy stool, a great sign, and he's tolerating his feeds well. He is still on the oscillating ventilator (the doctors seem to want to take things slowly with him) but his settings are continually being weaned down. I hope to see him switched over soon so he can be put in an isolette. It's a much better environment for them.

The feelings of uselessness, as though I'm not really taking care of my babies, are frustrating. It helps when the nurses let me change their diapers or take their temperature. I remind myself that by pumping my breath milk seven times a day I am doing something to take care of them. But I'm anxious to hold them, and I really want to take them home so I can be their mommy.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Alex and Spencer are two weeks old today, but their gestational age is only 26 weeks + 3 days. It's hard to believe it's been two weeks since I gave birth. It feels like one long day with lots of naps. I'm healing well from surgery, but I still tire easily and have my crying jags. Fortunately I have wonderful support from my friends and family. They'll let me cry on their shoulders until I get it out of my system. I'm so thankful for them, and for their thoughts and prayers. All that positive energy is making a difference; the boys are doing well.

Spencer was switched to a conventional ventilator today, his first step on the long road to breathing on his own. His infection is completely gone. He is being fed regularly again, and is tolerating his feedings well. He is very active, just as he was in the womb (Spencer's the boy that moved overnight and gave me stretch marks in my upper abdomen). He reacts so much to the action around him that his nurse put a blindfold and earmuffs on him to try and keep him calm. Nosey boy! Is this a sign of things to come??

Alex is healing up well from his surgery; the doctors are very pleased. He has stool in his ostomy bag, which is a great sign. Hopefully he'll be able to resume feedings soon. Although he's still on morphine to keep him comfortable, he is managing to keep his nurses busy with lots of activity. He has opened both his beautiful blue eyes now, and loves to gaze at me as I sing to him. My blue-eyed blondie bear has captured my heart.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Sunday, April 10th

It's hard to believe the boys are 10 days old already. The last 10 days feel like one long, continuous day. I am on a roller coaster ride that's sure to last for at least the next four months.

Alex has been sick with an infection and his bowels had shut down. The doctors have been keeping a very close eye on his belly, and yesterday morning they found free air in his abdomen, which meant there was a opening somewhere in his bowels. They called me at 8:30 AM to tell me that they were going to have to do emergency surgery. They would open Alex's belly, assess the damage, fix it if possible, or close him back up. I knew what they were saying when they said if the damage was too bad they would just close him back up. I was so frightened....beyond anything I can express in words. Alex went into surgery at about 11 AM and we didn't hear anything for hours. Just before 3:00 we got word that he was out of surgery and had come through fine. The doctors expected worse, based on his appearance, but when they got in there they found that he had just one small perforation in his bowels. He is such a miracle; he keeps showing me how strong he is. He is doing so well today: his stats are stable and even though he is drugged up on morphine he is responding to my voice and touch, even trying to open his eyes.

Then I got the news that Spencer may be coming down with an infection. At first I nearly fainted, but then I realized, this is going to be my life for the next four months. It's going to be one thing after another. Being the mother of twin premies is going to bring a lot of stress and worry, but I know that my boys are going to make it and that they're going to bring me lots of joy, too. They are so strong. They each have their personalities. They are little miracles, my blondie bears. I am so grateful for them.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Monday, April 4th

Well, let's just say that my little guys are already showing me who's the boss. At 24 weeks gestation they decided they were ready for the world...whether or not the world was ready for them. Alexander Christian and Spencer Andrew were born on Thursday, March 31st, at 12:55 and 12:56 PM. Alex weighed in at 670 grams (1 lb 7.5 oz) and was 12 1/4 inches long at birth, while Spence beat his brother out by half an ounce, measuring 680 grams (1 lb 8 oz), 12 1/2 inches long.

The boys were delivered via Cesarean at AMC. They are in the hands of the very capable staff of the Neonatal ICU and are doing well for their gestational age. I was released from the hospital today and am staying close by at the Ronald McDonald House. We're taking things day by day, knowing that we have a long road ahead of us, but having faith that the boys are going to grow healthy and strong. We're fortunate to have a wonderful network of supportive family and friends who are sending lots of light and positive energy.

Spencer and Alex are incredibly beautiful. I can't believe how much in love I am with them already. I cherish your thoughts and prayers for us.