Made Me Laugh

Last night I was patting Alex's back as he drifted to sleep on my chest. Suddenly he burped so loud he made himself jump!

Alex is now 8 lbs. 8 oz. and Spencer is 7 lb. 1 oz. Alex loves brightly colored toys, rattles, and bells. Spencer enjoys staring at the faces of those who hold him, and smiles in response when spoken to. Both are lifting their heads and turning them from side to side when on their tummies, especially when tempted by the sound of a musical toy or rattle. Their therapists are impressed by their development.

I embarked on a new path in life this week: graduate school. My first class was last night. Leaving the boys for the first time was a little sad, but they were safe in Grandma's and Bhapu's care. It felt both strange and wonderful to be doing something other than being a mommy. I'm really excited about this new endeavor, and I know it will enrich the lives of my little family.

19 Weeks Old

Spencer and Alexander visited the pediatrician again this week. Spencer now weighs 6 lbs. 3.5 oz. He's finally gained a little weight, but he needs to keep at it. He's eating better than before, and really enjoys breastfeeding now. The title of "Booby Monster" has been passed from his brother to him. Alexander seems to prefer the bottle over the breast now, probably because of the added calories in the bottle. He's a little piggie. Alexander is now a whopping 7 lbs. 1 oz.! I know he's still a small baby, but he seems so big to me.

Both boys are off their monitors. I'm so glad that we don't have to deal with wires anymore. The only big hurdle left is their surgeries. Alexander's surgery has been postponed once again. It is now scheduled for September 30. I'm so frustrated. It should have been done back in June, and now it's another eight weeks away. Spencer's hernia surgery is on September 26. I will take both boys to the hospital that day. Alexander has to be there for a few days prior to his surgery, to prepare his intestines. He will be there for a total of eight days. Spencer will be there overnight.

We're working on getting a bedtime routine down. I start grad school on August 29. Mom will be watching the boys in the evening while I'm at classes. A bedtime routine will make things easier for everyone. Alexander and Spencer really are good babies. After their morning bottle they'll usually hang out in their crib together, and I can get breakfast, a shower, and a few things done. They have their fussy period in the late afternoon/early evening, when they require a lot more holding and nursing. Alexander really loves being held by his Bhapu; he relaxes and snoozes on my dad's chest. I'm so grateful for my parents' help. The boys are so blessed to have so much love.

A Very Good Day

Alex went to see the eye surgeon for another follow-up appointment today. There is no further growth and the Plus disease is resolved. He doesn't need to see the surgeon again and will not need to have his eyes examined again until October. I told the surgeon I could just hug him for saving Alexander's sight. I am so thankful. We also visited the pulmonologist today. Alex is doing well and no longer needs to take the diuretics (two less yucky medicines to force into him every day!). They'll do an overnight home study to make sure everything is okay and then they'll take him off the monitor. Oh...they weighed Alex: six pounds nine and a half ounces! Even with his ostomy he is gaining weight steadily. I'm so pleased with his progress.

Both boys behaved so well for me today during all our running around. They both ate well and did not fuss a lot. It did wonders for my spirits to have a "good" day with them.

What A Mother Really Needs

It's almost 4 am. I just finished nursing Alex and I should be sleeping, but I have some thoughts I really felt the need to record. Yesterday and the preceding night were probably the hardest since the boys came home. I was exhausted, frustrated, and emotionally and physically drained. My sister and I took a break this evening and went out while Grandma watched the boys (the fact that a simple trip to Target and Walmart has become a major treat for me is a sign of how much my life has changed). The break was good for me. As I was holding Alex after his feeding just now I realized how tense I have been. I began to breath deeply, inhaling and exhaling slowly....inhaling peace and tranquility, exhaling tension and anxiety. As I relaxed, so did Alex. I thought to myself, "The Creator has given me everything I need to be a good mother. I just have to reach deep inside of me and draw from the source." I have been so caught up in doing everything the "right" way that I've forgotten about trusting my intuition. All of the many books I'm reading, all of the sage advice from doctors, nurses, and other parents, are invaluable. But the answers don't lie with them; they lie within me. I need to breath deeply and trust my mother's intuition. Only when I do that will I find the peace that it takes to be the wonderful mother I want to be to my beautiful boys.