I stood over Xander's and Spencer's crib tonight watching them sleep, marveling again at the miracles the universe has blessed me with. In just a few short days my babies will be one year old. Where in the world did the past year go? Can they really be a year old already? Do the first three and a half months, the days and weeks spent attending to them in the hospital every day, really count? They came home just eight and a half months ago. It doesn't make sense. Part of me feels cheated; if they are really just like 8 1/2 month old babies, how can we be celebrating their first birthday already? I can't really wrap my brain around it, can't really fully understand the way I feel. What I do know is that despite my attempts to enjoy every moment, to make the most of my time with them, as people kept telling me to, I still feel like the time has gone by much too quickly. Did I do everything I was supposed to do? Did I love them enough, give them enough attention, take care of them to the best of my abilities? If I didn't, is it too late to make up for lost time? Oh the agony of being a parent. One is never satisfied that she is as good a parent as she wants to be.

My beautiful baby boys, my Allybear and Spenceroni, I love you so dearly, so completely, a love such as I never knew before I first laid eyes on your tiny, weak little bodies. We have been through so much together and you have come so far. You have beaten all the odds, all the statistics, and I am in awe of how healthy, strong, vibrant, and wonderful you are. I hope with all my soul that I bring you half as much happiness in this lifetime as you've brought me in the past year. You are my heart's joy, my precious miracle boys.

The most special moment yet in my life as a mother happened this morning. Alex said "mama." Yes, that's right. He lay there on the changing table and when I bent down out of his view to get his clothes he said "ma ma ma ma ma." I popped back up and he laughed. We played that game for a few minutes and he kept doing it: "ma ma ma ma ma." He's figured out the sound, now he's got to put it together and realize that "mama" is me.

The boys were weighed the Friday before last and both gained 1 pound 4 ounces in a month. Alex is up to 17.4 and Spencer is at 13.4. Spencer is finally gaining at the same rate as his brother. He still seems like a little peanut, but he is really growing.

Alex started rolling over from his belly to his back that same Friday. He is doing so much better with lifting his head while on his stomach, and is even beginning to bear a little weight on his arms in that position. We've also started working on sitting up.

I've been planning the boys' first birthday party. They will be christened that morning at the same church I was christened at as a child. Then we'll celebrate at my parents' house with family and friends. I realize they won't understand the celebration, but I'm going to spoil them rotten. Lots of balloons and presents and cake from my favorite bakery. It will be a special day for me, and I'll make sure there are lots of pictures taken so that I can share the memories with them when they're older.

Here are some recent photos.

My favorite picture of Spencer and Alex so far

Spencer during floor play

Alex during floor play

Alex trying a bagel

Spencer trying his sippy cup

So Happy Together

"I'm having fun playing with you, Alex."

"Oh no! She caught us!"

"I'm so happy we have each other!"

Best Buddies

The boys are 7 months old corrected today, but they'll be 11 months old in just two weeks. It's hard to believe they're almost a year old! Just this past week Alex and Spencer have really started interacting with each other. They babble at each other, laugh, and reach for each other. I love watching them. This is what I've been waiting for. How lucky they are to have each other!
A week ago yesterday I took Spencer to the pediatrician for a weight check. He was up to 12 pounds 10 ounces! This week he started taking between 8 and 9 ounces per feeding, when just last week he was taking 6.5-7. The Prevacid has really helped his voice, too. He doesn't sound like he has laryngitis anymore, and he's been babbling more.

Xander's physical therapist told me Thursday that she believes his torticollis is resolved; the tightness in his neck seems to be gone. Now the task is to strengthen his weak neck muscles. We're working on it every day. He seems to get a little stronger every week.

My niece, M, helps out a lot with the boys. She and her mom (my sister) are both twins. There's a distinct possibility M could be a mother of twins someday. Something tells me she'll be a natural at it.

Happy Valentine's Day


The Loves of My Life - Alex and Spencer

Almost Famous

This morning I took Alex up to AMC to see the nurse practitioner in pediatric surgery. He was due for a follow-up appointment next month, but I rescheduled the appointment because of some concerns I've had about his incision. There are deep sutures under the skin that have created small bumps in the incision where they are trying to push through. At our last visit the nurse practitioner said that his body would eventually push them out and I could just trim them off. I did this with the first one that pushed through about a month ago and it got infected. None of the others seem to have made any progress. The surgeon decided today that he should remove the sutures. Alex will return to AMC and will be under anesthesia for the removal of the sutures. It will be a one-day visit to Ambulatory Surgery. Hopefully his scar will then begin to flatten out and become less noticeable.

I took Alex by the NICU for a quick visit with one of his former primary nurses. She ducked into the March of Dimes volunteer's office and returned with a humongous print of me kangarooing Alex and Spencer. The volunteer takes beautiful pictures of babies and parents during their NICU stays and uses them (with permission, of course) as part of her program. Apparently she is now going to be hanging several of her photographs, including the one of us, around the NICU. Now I really need to send an "after" picture of the boys up there so that other parents might be encouraged by my miracles.

I'll try to get some of those pictures scanned in and posted here. They really are beautiful and priceless. Thank you, Lori!

Another Milestone

Spencer rolled from his stomach to his back for the first time today. He was having a bit of a rough day today. I put him and Xander on the floor for tummy time and he was MAD. So mad that he turned himself over. I kept putting him back on his belly and he kept pushing himself back over. "See what a little anger will help you do?" I said to him. He's my little mighty might, that Spencer.

Aunt G makes Spence laugh

Xander now has a Boppy Tummy Play pillow, which was recommended on the Torticollis Kids website. I wish I had gotten this sooner. He's had a lot of trouble learning to lift his head while on his stomach. I put him on the pillow for the first time and he just took off. It is just the right height to support him and he loves playing with (and teething on) the attached toys.

Xander's Tummy Time

Xander and cousin M 

Zany Xander

 

Silly Spencer

 

Growing Every Day

For the past couple weeks Spencer has been working on sitting up while supported by his arms in front of him. Today he was sitting on the floor with very little help from me. I placed two balls in front of him to help motivate him to sit up. To my surprise he reached for them! Spencer has also been standing up, supporting all of his weight on his legs, if I hold his hands and help him up. He smiles and loves it! He gets so upset when I put him back down.

Alex has been working on holding his own bottle. I have to help him get it to the correct angle to bring it into his mouth, and he drops it frequently, but he's getting pretty good at it. When I'm feeding him solids he's started grabbing my hand or the spoon and pulling it toward his mouth if I hesitate in front of his face. I don't think he's going to have any trouble learning to feed himself.

Here's a cute pic of the boys in their Christmas Eve pajamas. Spencer is on the left and Alex is on the right.

My Little Lion, Alex, in a 6-9 month outfit already! 

9 Months Old

Alex and Spencer had their 9 month visit to the pediatrician last Friday. Alex weighs 15 lbs. 2.5 oz. and Spencer is 11 lbs. 8 oz. Alex is on the growth chart for his actual, not his adjusted, age. This is big news, as it means he is catching up. Spencer saw the ENT last Wednesday and he does not have a paralyzed vocal chord. The doctor did, however, see some redness in Spencer's trachea near his esophagus, which he believed to be caused by reflux. Apparently reflux is a very common cause of hoarseness such as Spencer has. Prevacid was prescribed and Spencer will be seen again in about six weeks. I am very hopeful that the medication will help with Spencer's weight gain as well as his voice. He should be able to eat more and spit up less. Today he finished a 6.5 oz. bottle, which is an accomplishment for him. I think we're going to see him getting a lot chubbier in the next several weeks.

Alex began making the "b" sound and blowing raspberries last week. He is so talkative and happy. Spencer is beginning to sit up while propped with his arms in front of him. It's hard work for him and he gets tired quickly. It's funny to see such a little baby sitting up, but that's my Spencer: small and mighty. I continue to bask in the gloriousness of the miracles God has given me.

Happy New Year

Welcome to 2006. That's what I told Alex and Spencer this morning. Yesterday they turned nine months old. It's hard to believe they are 3/4 of the way to being a year old. They should only be 5 1/2 months old right now. They're doing incredibly well. Alex is up to 14 lbs. 14 oz. He recently started babbling. When I put him on the changing table to take care of him he looks up at me, smiles, and opens our conversation with an "ah-goo" or "du-du-du-du-du." Spencer now weighs 11 lbs. 4 oz. Last week he suddenly started eating better and spitting up less. I expect we're going to see some fast growth from him now.

I have many blog entries that I've written down and just haven't gotten around to posting. When the boys do something new or reach a milestone I make notes or write anecdotes. Someday I'll find the time to add them to this space. For now I'll just say that I continue to be blessed every day by my two miracle boys. Here are some pictures from the holidays. All the best to our loved ones in 2006. I know it's going to be a great year for Alex, Spencer, and me.

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays to All from the Two Turtle Doves

E.R.

I was watching a rerun of 'E.R.' today while I was feeding the boys. They were treating a woman who was 24 weeks pregnant whose labor they could not stop. The woman told them she didn't want to have a preemie because her sister had given birth to a premature baby who was in the hospital for months and didn't make it. Several of the doctors supported her view, saying that the baby had a 10% chance at a normal life, and that they shouldn't throw hundreds of thousands of dollars away to try to save one baby who would probably have a very poor quality of life when they could be using those resources to treat other children. It upset me so much to hear these opinions voiced as I sat there holding my two 24 weekers who are now very healthy and normal. I suppose there are many people out there who share the viewpoints that some of the characters on the show expressed. Perhaps they consider their philosophies pragmatic, however I would label them as pessimistic and negative. I believe in miracles, and I have two beautiful boys to prove that miracles really do happen!

October 26, 2005

Last week Alex began waking up just once every night. It has made my life so much easier, only getting up once each night to nurse one baby. This morning I woke up and greeted the boys in their crib. I was sleepily saying good morning when suddenly I realized "Alex, you slept through the night!"

Growing Boys

Alex was finally discharged, after two weeks in the hospital, on Monday afternoon. The last four days since we came home have been very trying. Alex is very fussy and needy, rightfully so. He has an incision across his abdomen and a deep wound from the ostomy site. The wound is closing up nicely; I've been surprised by how quickly it has become more shallow. My poor baby is also suffering from painful, raw skin on his buttocks. His tiny hiney isn't used to having stool on it, especially several times a day. Every day he gets a little better, though. This morning we took a bath together. He was the most relaxed I've seen him since his surgery. He was giving me lots of smiles and could have fallen asleep in the warm water.

I've barely slept a wink all week. I've been up with Alex at all hours of the night. Spencer, however, started sleeping through the night while we were staying at the Ronald McDonald house, and has continued to do so. What a wonderful break it was to sleep through the night for two weeks straight, and it is definitely an advantage to have to care for just one baby at night.
The boys had their appointment with the pediatrician today. Spencer is now 9 lbs. 4 oz. and Alex is 10 lbs. 14 oz. They both gained 25 ounces this month. Spencer is no longer anemic and does not need to take iron supplements anymore. Alex got permission to start on a little rice cereal once a day. He hasn't hit the four month mark in corrected age yet, but the doctor agreed that he is catching up well and would probably be okay starting the cereal. Here he is below trying it out. It was also his first time in his feeding seat. He did a lot better with the cereal when I was holding him, as you can see from the pictures.

Spencer saw the eye doctor again for his ROP two weeks ago. It has resolved and he does not need his eyes checked for another 6 months. He is "talking" a lot now, and squeals with delight at times. He's so excited and full of smiles during our little "conversations"; I really enjoy them.

Humpty Dumpty...

...has been put back together again. During an approximately three hour surgery this morning, Alexander's ostomy was removed and his intestines were reconnected. The surgeon was able to go in through the original incision, which means no new scars. He had to remove Alexander's appendix and the valve between the small and large intestines. Alex will stool more frequently for awhile, but eventually his bowels will adjust. He may have B12 absorption problems, but this will be watched and he can receive shots if needed. And we'll never have to worry about appendicitis! Alex will recover for five days before he is allowed to eat. After that it will take a couple of days to make sure his digestive system is in working order, so he should be out of the hospital in about a week.

Spencer's hernia repair went well. He was in and out of the hospital in about 24 hours, as expected. He has not been his usual easy-going, happy self this week. It's obvious that he's a little uncomfortable. I think he misses his brother and home, as well.

Elmo has been a big help with the boys while we've been at the hospital. Alex was introduced to and fell in love with an Elmo doll a few weeks ago, and I've discovered that Spencer loves him as well. The boys actually smile at Elmo and try to talk to him! It must be those big black and white eyes, that wide mouth, and the cute round orange nose. I've always been anti-Elmo, because I'm a big Grover fan and I feel like Elmo's replaced him, but if Elmo makes my boys happy, I guess he must be alright.

The boys are six months old today. It's really hard to believe that six months have passed since they entered the world. Half of their lives so far were spent in the NICU, but that seems like so long ago to me. I am in awe of the incredible miracles that they are, my beautiful boys. I am so blessed and so full of love for them.

Back to the Hospital

Spencer and Alex check into the hospital tomorrow for their surgeries. Spencer is having his hernia repair done tomorrow at 9:30 am. He will be there overnight. Alex's surgery is on Friday. He'll be in the hospital for 10 days. I'm really glad to finally be getting these last things done. I know they'll both come through with flying colors, but it is still causing emotional stress. That's just the nature of the beast, I suppose. It feels eerily strange to be back at the Ronald McDonald House, where Spencer and I will stay until Alex is released, and going back to visiting the hospital every day to see my son. I hope and pray that this is the last time either of them ever have to be admitted to the hospital.