I am utterly exhausted. I got into my car in the hospital parking garage at 10:35 tonight, put my head down on the steering wheel, and just cried. I don't know how I'm going to keep this up - working all day and spending the evening at the hospital with the boys. But I don't have a choice. I have to work to pay the bills, and I need to be my babies' mother. I guess that's what happens when you become a parent - no matter how hard it is, no matter how tired you are, you just have to do it. You have to push through - for your children.
I finally got to hold Alex again tonight. He is off the jet ventilator and back on the conventional vent. He's grown so much since the last time I held him. Since Alex can't wear clothes yet like Spencer, I dressed him in a hat and socks after I changed his diaper. He looked adorable, my dapper little guy.
Spencer had a wonderful nurse today, Anne, who sat him up and burped him when she noticed him desatting during his feeding. While I did kangaroo care during his 6:00 feeding I learned to tell when he was having reflux (he turns red like he's working really hard to push a burp out). I rubbed his back during those times and it really seemed to help. I appreciate those nurses who take initiative in caring for my babies and in teaching me how to care for them.
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